Lessons on Existing Without Your Soul
by laurenlongoria
Summary: The First War is over. Voldemort has been vanquished. It is a time for living, for loving, for laughing. Leigh Hamilton finds these things in Remus Lupin, and Remus Lupin finds these things in her - until their time together is cut short.
1. Chapter 1

_Lessons on Existing Without Your Soul, Chapter 1_

**DISCLAIMER: **No, I do not own any of the characters created by J. K. Rowling, and nor do I claim to. I am merely writing this for my enjoyment and yours, and not for any monetary value.

* * *

><p>Day in and day out – all anyone ever did was duel. Leigh was tired, beyond exhaustion, in fact. All she truly wanted was a nice nap, perhaps, or a night without interruptions. She did not have the time to mix up a nice calming draught anymore – she was spending all of her spare time preparing large stocks of Elixir to Induce Euphoria so she could have it whenever she needed it, which was all of the time, mind you.<p>

Every day, there was more news of death, of families being torn apart, of turmoil and defeat. The Order of the Phoenix had not rested in months, though, in all honesty, it felt like decades. The war had changed Leigh. The girl who was once cheerful and friendly was now a dark rain cloud of despair. Her hair, that used to be short and bright blue, was now long, stringy, and jet-black – not unlike Bellatrix Lestrange's disgusting hair. Her skin was once youthful, but now translucent with the slightest tint of yellow in the right light. Her eyes were hardened by the things she had seen – they had once been big, brown, understanding, but were now ice blue and emotionless. She had lost a significant amount of weigh as well. Her cheeks were hollowed out, and her ribs poked through her skin. Once this war was over, however, she would return to her normal state.

Leigh was a Metamorphmagus, which came as a shock furthermore to her Muggle parents. Imagine finding out your daughter was not only a witch, but one who could change her appearance at will as well!

Her parents were far away now, though, and thoughts of them generally brought Leigh to tears. She missed them more than anyone in the entire world. It was for them she fought, hoping that with every Death Eater she destroyed, they would be one step closer to living together again, in a happier and safer world.

For three years now, she had not seen her parents. When she joined the Order at the ripe age of seventeen, she had them move to America, where they had previously lived for eight years as a family. Nowhere in Britain was safe anymore, especially for the parents of a Mudblood, Dumbledore-loving, Auror-Order member. She sent them away for their safety. America was out of bounds – Voldemort would have absolutely no reason to travel that far abroad.

Danger still lurked around every corner for Leigh, though. She always kept her hand on her wand these days, waiting for an attack at every moment.

Leigh was sitting on a tattered couch, reading a book when a bluish-white light filled the room. The form of a Phoenix was before her, and the voice of Albus Dumbledore spoke "The home of James and Lily Potter, Godric's Hollow." As quickly as it had come, it disappeared, the warm feeling vanishing with it.

These summonses were quite common these days. One of the Order would send their Patronus out, stating only a location but never an explanation. All who received the message were to Disapparate to the disclosed location as soon as it was safe for them to do so.

Dumbledore's voice had always been calm and collected, but his voice from the Phoenix sounded hurried and frenzied. Leigh knew, almost instantaneously, that something was wrong. The Potter residence was not a safe house and therefore, the Order had never been summoned there before. The Potters' home was kept a secret; none of the Order, besides Dumbledore, knew the exact location of the house.

Dumbledore had not left an exact address. Was the Fidelius Charm broken? Did that mean – ?

Leigh gathered a traveling cloak and swiftly left her home, stepped out of the protective enchantments and turned on the spot, leaving the Muggle neighborhood behind.

Merely moments later, Leigh was at the entry gates to Lily and James' home, the top of which had been blown apart. Apprehensively, Leigh entered the courtyard, taking notice of the other witches and wizards who were there. Leigh saw Dumbledore, Minerva McGonagall, Rubeus Hagrid, and Alastor Moody. Behind her, however, more and more wizards were appearing, including Dedalus Diggle, Remus Lupin, Sturgis Podmore, and Elphias Doge.

Leigh felt the Order was throwing caution to the wind by summoning so many wizards and witches to one place, but soon understood when she saw Minerva and Hagrid crying. It couldn't be – no, not James and Lily.

She rushed to the house, not paying attention to anyone or anything around her. She burst in and ran about the house, calling the names of her two friends. "James? Lily?" There was no response.

Remus rushed into the house after her, calling out her name. The house was not safe and was threatening to collapse at any moment. "Leighton! Leighton we need to get out of the house now!" He shouted.

Leigh was not listening however. She had found James, lying on the floor of the sitting room, as if asleep. She began to cry, sobbing heavily into her hands. "No," She said, in disbelief at what she was seeing. This was a horrible prank – James would wake up at any moment now, laughing and smiling as he always did.

But James did not stir. "Lily?" She yelled. "Lily?"

Leigh ran up the stairs and searched every room before finding the nursery. The room was destroyed completely, the roof gone and debris everywhere. And in the middle of the room was Lily. Lovely Lily. She was not moving. Leigh fell down to her knees and wept for her friend, lying across Lily's cold and lifeless body.

Remus came into the room, panting. "Leighton, we must go –" He started, but at the sight of Lily Potter, he stopped. He fell against the doorframe and began to cry as well. He, too, now understood why the Order was summoned to the Potters' tonight.

However, he ceased crying when he heard a creak from above. "Leighton, the roof is going to fall in!" He ran to her and attempted to lift her from Lily's body. She was light as a feather, yes, but she refused to let go of Lily. "Leighton, please, we have to go." The statement was staggered. Remus was having difficulty masking his utter sadness. He wished he could stay forever by Lily's side, he wished it had been him Voldemort had slaughtered, not Lily.

Another creak from the ceiling sounded. Using a Hover charm, Remus lifted both Leigh and Lily from the floor and floated them down the stairs to safety. He stopped at the sitting room, finally seeing what he failed to miss when he entered the crumbling home.

On the floor was his best friend, James Potter. Even in death, his hair was messy and his glasses askew. Remus gasped and tried to hold back a sob, but failed. He began to cry mirthlessly now, losing all control of himself. The Hovering charm that Remus had cast fell, and Lily and Leigh dropped to the floor silently and gracefully.

Leigh crawled shamelessly to Remus' side and held him close. Together, they sobbed over the loss of the two bravest people they had ever met.


	2. Chapter 2

_Lessons on Existing Without Your Soul, Chapter 2_

**DISCLAIMER: **No, I do not own any of the characters created by J. K. Rowling, and nor do I claim to. I am merely writing this for my enjoyment and yours, and not for any monetary value.

* * *

><p>Voldemort had been destroyed. Vanquished. Defeated. He was gone.<p>

The war was over.

The idea of peace did not settle in Leigh's mind until well after the funeral of James and Lily. The morning the Potters were found, the Daily Prophet announced Voldemort's death. Any of the remaining Death Eaters went into hiding. After eleven years of chaos, silence finally fell over the Wizarding world. But Leigh did not feel this for many weeks. She still felt scared. Something was not right about the entire ordeal. How did a baby survive the Killing Curse? And why was Voldemort destroyed instead of Harry Potter?

It did not make sense to Leigh whatsoever. She was reluctant to believe that Voldemort was truly gone.

Within a month, however, Dumbledore disbanded the Order of the Phoenix. Leigh received no messages from former Order members. There was no news in the papers about weird disappearances or odd deaths. Leigh was forced to believe that the dark era was finished.

It was then when her hair returned to its short and flaming blue self. Her eyes became large and brown again. She gained weight and strength, looking healthy and lively once more. She regained her glowing skin, and reveled in the brown freckles that dotted her arms and chest. She was Leigh again, though; she was lonely, now that she did not have regular meetings to attend anymore.

She was able to stop drinking Elixir to Induce Euphoria every day now, considering she was much more cheerful and less likely to be murdered. She spent her time outdoors now, wandering about the Muggle village, now that she did not have to waste the day away, slaving over a bubbling cauldron.

She wanted a friend, however. Someone to talk to.

In the Muggle paper she received daily, there was an advertisement for German Sheppard puppies – the type of dog Leigh had when she was a child. She phoned the owners (she, of course, knew how to properly use a telephone, unlike most wizards) and set an appointment to visit the dogs.

The dogs were adorable. Leigh spent nearly three hours at the home, playing with the puppies and talking to the breeders. There was one particular pup that Leigh had an automatic connection with – she was the smallest of the litter. She was an energetic dog, and insisted on being the center of attention at all times.

Leigh made the decision to buy the puppy, paying in cash that very same day. Leigh named the dog Penelope and brought her home, filling the house with much needed happiness and positive energy.

It was three months later when Remus Lupin showed up at her front door, wind-swept and heavily scarred. He was carrying a traveling bag and a bowler hat. He looked miserably tired.

She opened the door, Penelope struggling in her arms, eager to greet the stranger. "Remus," She said, breathlessly, considering she had just been chasing the dog around the house. "Please, come in, quickly." The wind was blowing very hard and snow covered the ground. "Merlin, it's cold out there."

"Thank you kindly, Leighton," Remus bowed his head, revealing thin and graying hair. He looked a mess since the last time they had met, on the night of Lily and James' murder.

"How many times must I tell you to call me Leigh?" She asked, letting Penelope to the floor and taking his bag, hat, and cloak, smiling at him.

"I am sorry. I don't think I will ever remember," He smiled feebly, stretching one of the scars that was across his lower lip.

"How are you?" Leigh asked, offering him a seat on the couch. "Would you like some tea? Perhaps some Murlap? Dittany?"

"Tea will be fine, thank you," He said, sinking into the couch, his face illuminated by the fire Leigh magically lit in the fireplace. "I will not lie, I have not been well."

"I can see that much, Remus," She responded, quickly returning with a mug of hot water and six different boxes of tea bags. She placed the cup and boxes in front of him on the coffee table and took a seat next to him on the couch. "You look like you've been through hell, if you ask me."

"This is not the worse I have looked," He said mildly, picking an Earl Grey tea bag and dropping it in the mug. "I actually came to ask a favor of you."

She pursed her lips. "This has nothing to do with the Order, I presume?"

"Yes, and no," He replied before taking a sip of the tea. "And thank you, for the tea."

Penelope barked at Remus' ankles, wagging her tail enthusiastically. "She wants you to pay attention to her," Leigh told him. "She's quite the ham."

Remus reached down and scratched the small dog behind the ear. "When did you get her?" He asked, smiling down at Penelope.

"About three months ago. I decided I could use the company," She answered. "But don't avoid the subject. What is this favor you wish to ask of me?"

Remus sighed and put down his mug. He looked thoughtfully around the living room. "I do not wish to burden you, nor do I want you to pity me."

Leigh nodded. He did not turn his head to speak to her, but continued to survey the room. Leigh had a strong suspicion of what this favor was, but allowed him the courtesy of asking himself. She did not wish to embarrass him or make him feel worse.

"I have been cast out of my home and cannot find work," He said, standing up and walking over to the fireplace. He examined the figurines that were placed on the mantle, but did not touch them. "I am a werewolf, you see, and I do not have family or friends I can stay with, and many of the Order members do not wish to associate with me now that the Order is disbanded."

Leigh nodded, trying very hard to keep her face straight.

"I will not take offense if you say no, and I will be on my way if that is your final word," He took a sharp breath. "But I was wondering if I could possibly live here until I am able to find a place of my own and a job."

Silence settled in the room, with the exception of the crackling of the fire. Even Penelope was quiet. Leigh was not quite sure what to say. She was not repulsed by his condition, for she was raised in a very understanding household. In addition to this, she was raised by Muggles, who told her werewolves did not exist, that they were merely creatures invented long ago to teach children to behave themselves. Of course, upon entering the Wizarding world, she discovered they were real creatures, but she was not disgusted by them.

Leigh was more surprised Remus was asking for assistance. He was a very self-sufficient man and more often than not, refused help from anyone. She knew this must have been a very desperate situation for him if he was reaching out, asking every person he knew for help.

Leigh stood and walked very slowly and cautiously to the fireplace. She placed a hand on Remus' shoulder. "You may stay here for as long as you need."

Remus turned his head and stared into Leigh's great, brown eyes. "Are you serious? You do realize the monster I am?"

"Remus, I am aware of your condition. Regardless, we are friends," Leigh said, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze. "You are welcome in my home."


	3. Chapter 3

_Lessons on Existing Without Your Soul, Chapter 3_

**DISCLAIMER: **No, I do not own any of the characters created by J. K. Rowling, and nor do I claim to. I am merely writing this for my enjoyment and yours, and not for any monetary value.

* * *

><p>Leigh soon found Remus was a gracious houseguest, if not a bit quiet. He was neat and eager to help with any chores, not wishing to become "that freeloader". However, he spent many days alone in his room, unpacking and repacking his things. He often expressed that he wasn't sure if it was safe for Leigh to live with him, and many times told her he would be leaving the next morning.<p>

He never did, however. Leigh never let him.

She told him numerous times, sometimes callously, that he would not be able to find a home with anyone else, and that it was his best bet to stay here.

Within a week, he settled in completely, hanging his clothing in the closet and placing his many books on the bookshelf in his room. Leigh even taught him how to use the television and VCR, so he could entertain himself while she was away.

He was never very fond of the television though. Occasionally, it numbed his mind, but he liked much better to bring a book into the living room, light a fire, and curl up on the couch with Penelope sleeping on his stomach. He had grown very fond of the dog in the past week, and wondered why more wizards did not have dogs for pets.

Remus felt terrible. He did not like being unemployed, living off of other people's wages. He felt useless, in many ways, wandering around the house during the day when Leigh was working. He did not know how to show Leigh how thankful he was for giving him room and board, and more importantly, being a friend.

One afternoon, Remus had fallen asleep on the couch and had left the television on. When he awoke, he saw a black and white movie playing on the screen. It was an old "noir" film or something like that. Remus and Leigh had watched one together the night before. Noir films were her favorite type of films.

An idea struck Remus as the grayscale couple discussed murder over an elegant dinner. He bounded from the couch and went into the kitchen and decided to prepare dinner for himself and Leigh. He looked through the cupboards, re-frid-jer-ater (or whatever it was) and the pantry for ingredients, but found there was little to work with. He groaned, and bounded to the "Food Emergency Till (Wizard Money)" and grabbed a handful of Sickles and his traveling cloak, said goodbye to the dog, locked the door and disapparated to Diagon Alley.

x

Leigh came home to music. Music was playing loudly from Remus' phonograph, a quick Ragtime tune, Leigh recognized. It was Remus' favorite type of music, as she had found out. Apart from the music, something else caught her.

Remus was in the kitchen, wearing an apron, humming to himself, and gingerly taking a chicken out of the oven. He placed the hot dish on a trivet and took his oven mitts off.

"Good evening, Leighton," He said, smiling at her. "How was your day?"

"Are you – are you making dinner?" She asked, surprised but delighted.

"I merely wished to express my gratitude toward you. Would you like a treacle or a sponge cake for dessert?"

Leigh stared at him, entertained. "A sponge cake, and perhaps some wine." She laughed to herself. "I will be right back."

Leigh shook her head, completely amused by Remus. She went out into the garage and grabbed a bottle of red wine, one she had been saving for a special occasion. She came back, to find Remus already preparing a batter for the sponge cake.

"Are you fonder of raspberries or strawberries? Or perhaps, neither?" He asked.

"It depends on what the berries are being used for," Leigh answered, placing the bottle of wine on the counter.

"I was thinking of making a nice filling for the cake, unless you don't want one," He answered.

"Oh," Leigh said, smiling. "I like raspberry filling."

"Raspberry it is, then,"

"Remus, would you like some assistance?" Leigh asked, noticing the amount of work he was putting into the dinner.

"No, no, not at all, Leighton. You do far too much for me. It is time for me to treat you," He responded, waving her off. "Go take a bath, or something. Relax. I have this all under control, believe me."

There was a twinkle in his eye Leigh had never seemed before. This was the happiest Leigh had ever seen Remus. She could not wipe the smile from her face, seeing him so lively and energetic. "I think I will take a bath," She said to him. "Call me when dinner is ready?"

"Of course," Remus said, and returned to filling two circular pans with batter.

x

Remus knocked lightly on the bathroom door in the Master bedroom. "Leighton, dinner is ready,"

He heard the water in the tub slosh around. "Okay, I'll be out in a minute."

Remus returned to the kitchen and sent cutlery, plates, napkins, and wine glasses zooming into the dining room to organize themselves on the table. He sent the rolls, salad, and dressings out after the utensils. He had the right mind to bring the heavy chicken in himself, placing it near the center of the table. He removed the apron and oven mitts before lowering the volume of his phonograph. Delightful swing music played softly in the room, creating a happy environment.

Remus washed his hands and stood at the table, waiting for Leigh to come to the table before sitting down. If he had to say so himself, he placed a rather nice table.

Leigh stepped out of the bathtub and toweled herself down. She was not sure what had gotten into Remus, and had thought about it intensely in the bath. Perhaps he got into her stash of Elixir to Induce Euphoria.

She was not quite sure what to wear to dinner. Remus, of course, would be wearing actual clothing, such as his cardigan and slacks. She did not wish to look like she was trying to impress him, though she did want to.

Wait. Why did that matter? Why did Leigh care about _impressing _Remus? He was a friend, yes, merely a friend. A friend who was living with her. A friend she truly cared about and wanted to be near at all moments of the day...

She looked in the mirror and found that while she was bathing, her hair turned from bright blue to light brown. She gasped. She had not been aware of the transformation whatsoever. She was tempted to change it back to blue immediately, but decided not to. She liked the way the brown made her eyes look. She decided that for now, the brown could stay.

She was certain her hair had changed colors while she was thinking so intently on Remus. It was very similar to his hair color, and was somewhat surprised to find it didn't grow out, considering his hair was longer than hers. She ran her fingers through her new hair.

She did feel happier now that she had a fellow human being as a houseguest. Yes, Remus was a kind man, both very smart and very talented. They were friends, but never extremely close ones. The first time they had ever had a private meeting was when Remus showed up at Leigh's door a week ago. And now they were living together?

Leigh admired Remus. They had dueled next to each many times, protecting one another from harm. He had saved her life on multiple occasions, sometimes even risking his own. Although inflicted with the worst of conditions, he was generous and humble, and never expressed that he was entitled to certain things.

He was simply a wonderful human being.

Leigh shook her head, attempting to rid thoughts of Remus from her head. Her hair grew longer. She rolled her eyes and left the bathroom so she was incapable of seeing her transforming appearance.


	4. Chapter 4

_Lessons on Existing Without Your Soul, Chapter 4_

**DISCLAIMER: **No, I do not own any of the characters created by J. K. Rowling, and nor do I claim to. I am merely writing this for my enjoyment and yours, and not for any monetary value.

* * *

><p>Leigh and Remus sat opposite from each other at the dining room table, silently sipping large glasses of wine. The dinner had been consumed, and it was rather delicious. <em>Perhaps Remus could cook every night, <em>Leigh thought, smiling subconsciously.

"Would you like dessert?" Remus asked, beginning to clear the table.

"I am quite full, to be perfectly honest. How about a walk? I suppose Penelope would like one," Leigh answered, assisting him with the wave of her wand. The dishes flew into the sink and began to wash themselves.

"A walk would be nice," Remus said. "Allow me to grab a jacket, however. It's snowing."

Leigh finished her glass of wine and went to her room to put on proper shoes and a coat as well. When she was finished, she went to the front door and took the leash from the hanger. "Let's go for a walk, Penelope!" She called. The dog ran in, her tail wagging eagerly. She barked loudly and bounced up and down. "You know, you have to sit still if you want me to get this leash on you."

Penelope stopped jumping, but continued to bark excitedly. "You truly need this walk, don't you? You are so full of energy tonight!" Leigh said to her, fastening the leash to Penelope's collar.

Remus entered the room, a long coat buttoned to the throat. "Shall we go then?" Leigh asked.

"Yes, of course," Remus nodded.

Leigh and Remus decided to take a few laps around the park, mostly to wear Penelope out. Remus was good company this evening, and was very eager to ask Leigh questions about her childhood.

"Tell me about your parents,"

"They are truly wonderful people. Very supportive. You see, my dad had a job in an advertisement firm and was relocated to Los Angeles – that's in America – when I was three years old. When I got my Hogwarts letter, however, they decided to move back to Britain so I could go. It must have been a shock to find out their daughter was a witch, and I believe most parents wouldn't move to another continent so their child could go to school, but they did."

"You're Muggle-born?" Remus asked, raising a single eyebrow.

"Yes. Hard to believe, right? Being a Metamorphmagus and everything. We have no idea where I got it," She paused before starting again, "They're really good sports. When I joined the Order, I made them move back to America. They decided to go to Washington this time, however. They enjoy the weather more there," Leigh continued. She face shone in the dark, a frown upon her face. She was reminiscing now; hardly aware she was talking to another person.

"I just felt it was safer for them to move. I didn't want the Death Eaters or Voldemort going after them to get information on me. They didn't truly understand at first; they thought I was just paranoid. They did not understand until I showed them a paper with a story on the recent Muggle torture in London,"

Remus nodded, but this went unnoticed.

"I really do miss them, but I'm afraid to write or call. I really don't want anyone finding out where they are. In fact, I, myself, am trying to forget their location in case I am ever tortured or if someone ever uses Legilimency against me,"

"Why are you so scared?" He asked quietly.

"I'm a Mudblood. In the Order. Well, was in the Order. A strong supporter of Dumbledore. An Auror. And, to top it all off, I am living with a werewolf," She chuckled. "I don't see these as negative things – just things, but Voldemort and his Gang of Merry Men see these as reasons to torture and kill."

Remus did not answer, but merely looked down at his scuffed shoes. "I am sorry," He said after many moments of silence.

"As long as they're safe,"

Both were quiet, simply walking side by side through the snow. Penelope tugged at the leash, wishing to smell every last thing in the park. Leigh watched her play, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. A few tears fell from her eyes. She was still thinking about how much she missed her parents.

"You wear a ring on your ring finger," Remus finally said, after taking a long breath. "Are you engaged?"

"Oh, Merlin, no," Leigh shook her head. "It's – well, it's a Muggle thing. This ring is my mom's class ring. She gave it to me because she no longer wanted it, and ever since, I have been wearing it. Just a thing, I suppose."

"A class ring?" Remus inquired, not quite grasping the concept.

"You buy this ring and it's supposed to remind you of your class and friends and experiences in high school. It's rubbish, really. Most people hate high school, or at least the people they were in high school with," Leigh answered, twisting the ring around her finger. "Why do you ask? About the ring, I mean."

Remus ran a hand through his hair and laughed nervously. "No reason. Merely curious."

"Shall we get home then? It's getting dark," Leigh said, sparing Remus the embarrassment of a terrible lie.

Remus nodded. "Yes, perhaps we should."

They did not speak on the walk home, but it was not a tense silence between them. Leigh enjoyed listening to sounds of his breathing and his shoes hitting the pavement. She liked hearing the night, the dull buzz of televisions, the occasional speeding car, crickets.

Remus' mind was elsewhere. Was he merely curious about the ring? No, he knew that was a blatant lie. He didn't want her to be engaged. Or even seeing anyone, for that matter. He couldn't possibly have feelings for her. Not this soon. _I barely know her, _he thought. But yet, it felt like he had known her for ages.

They were in the house once more, and quickly shed coats and shoes. Leigh created a fire in the fireplace and they both stood next to it, warming their chilled bones. Penelope curled up on the hearth and beat her tail gently on the tiles, looking up at Remus and Leigh.

"I would love some of that sponge cake now, Remus," Leigh said. "How about it?"

Remus smiled. "Sounds terrific. Coffee?"

"Hot, yes," Leigh answered, smiling widely at him. "It's so damn cold. _Accio_, blankets!"

Two extremely plush and warm blankets flew into the living room and into Leigh's arms. She deposited them on the couch and hastened to the kitchen to prepare a pot of coffee, while Remus cut two generous slices of cake and put them on plates.

Remus and Leigh settled on the couch, each taking a blanket and covering themselves neck to foot with them. "They should really make a blanket with holes in it, so people can poke their arms through and eat, don't you think?"

"Couldn't you just cut two holes in your blanket now?" Remus asked, amused.

"But that would look awful!" Leigh responded. "Ah well. I suppose warmth can wait. This cake, however, cannot. This is delicious, you know? You are quite the wonderful cook."

Remus blushed slightly and took a gulp of coffee. "Thank you, I appreciate that,"

They both continued eating in silence, watching the fire crackle and Penelope sleeping on the hearth.


	5. Chapter 5

_Lessons on Existing Without Your Soul, Chapter 5_

**DISCLAIMER: **No, I do not own any of the characters created by J. K. Rowling, and nor do I claim to. I am merely writing this for my enjoyment and yours, and not for any monetary value.

* * *

><p>Leigh woke up much earlier than Remus Saturday morning. As with every morning, she checked the calendar she kept hanging by her bedside. Since Remus had come to live with her, she marked off each full moon, and the first seven days prior. Although he had not asked, Leigh was going to make Remus the Wolfsbane potion every single month – whether he wanted it or not.<p>

It was seven days until the full moon.

Leigh stretched and groaned, put on a pair of slippers and wrapped her robe around her. Groggily, she went to the kitchen to prepare a cup of coffee. Before making her coffee, however, she opened the front door to find the Muggle newspaper, bagged and wet, on her welcome mat.

While her coffee brewed, she went to her ingredients cabinet and pulled out her copy of _Primary Potions and How to Prepare Them_. The ingredients list was extensive, and the potion proved to be difficult. She had never prepared this particular potion before, but has brewed much more complicated potions in the past. She felt confident she could get it right the first time. However, Leigh did not have all of the ingredients necessary. She knew she would have to make a trip to Diagon Alley soon to get what she needed. It was lucky she didn't have to work on Saturdays and Sundays.

Penelope began barking, asking Leigh to feed her. She magically filled the dog's bowl and realized that she was hungry as well. She decided to have a slice of Remus' sponge cake – there was three quarters of it left.

After an owl came with The Prophet and she finished her breakfast, Leigh decided to get ready as fast as possible. After getting dressed and brushing her teeth, Leigh scrawled out a quick note to Remus on a piece of parchment:

_Remus –_

_Went to Diagon Alley to pick up some potion ingredients. Be back shortly._

_Leigh_

And off to Diagon Alley she went.

x

When Leigh came home, her arms filled with various vials and boxes, Remus was in the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of coffee. "Good morning!" She greeted, cheerfully.

"Good morning, Leigh. See you've got an early start," He replied cordially. He stirred in a spoonful of sugar and picked up the Daily Prophet that was lying on the table.

"I have seven days worth of Wolfsbane to make. Better start earlier than later," She replied, putting the potions on the counter. She summoned her cauldron and made it levitate over a fire she cast in the middle of the kitchen. "_Aguamenti,_" The cauldron filled with water.

Remus stared at her as she began to organize ingredients and read from the Potions book. He put his coffee down on the counter and sighed. "You do not have to make this potion for me. I understand it is very difficult and very expensive –"

"Remus, I am making this potion for you for every full moon you encounter while you are living with me," Leigh said, not looking up from the book. "It is difficult, yes. It is expensive, yes. But I am talented and I have money. Do not object. You will drink this for the next seven days, even if I have to force it down your throat. On the full moon, you will transform in your room, and I will check on you in random intervals during the night to make sure you don't kill yourself. Once you are back in human form, I will tend to the wounds you will ultimately give yourself, and give you two more potions: one to heal you and one to make you sleep. You are living in my house. You are my guest, and more importantly, my friend. I will take care of you."

A rush of affection for Leigh surged through Remus' heart, rendering him incapable of responding immediately. He watched her add a few ingredients he was not familiar with once the water came to a boil. A pale fog rose from the cauldron. "You are an amazing witch," He said, very quietly. "I thank you."

"You're welcome," She said, pleasantly. "Now, if you please, I must concentrate."

Remus knew this was the end of the conversation. He took his coffee and paper and sat on the couch. He lit a fire and beckoned for Penelope to come sit with him. The dog, although keen to watch what Leigh was doing, joined Remus on the couch, resting her head on his thigh.

Remus opened the paper, and saw a picture of a very familiar face and a subsequent article.

_**Peter Pettigrew dead at hands of a friend.**_

_After a deadly explosion yesterday morning, it has been discovered that Peter Pettigrew, 21, and twelve Muggles have been killed. Sirius Black is believed to be responsible, and was carried off to Azkaban Prison late last night. Pettigrew and Black were close friends many years ago, gallivanting about the Hogwarts Castle with their other two friends, the late James Potter and werewolf Remus Lupin. _

_Pettigrew was a known and avid supporter of Hogwarts Headmaster Albus Dumbledore and fought valiantly against You-Know-Who in the first war against the Dark Lord. His death is a tragedy. Pettigrew has been awarded an Order of Merlin, First Class, for bravery and loyalty._

_Sirius Black, on the other hand, was He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's most loyal supporter, and was a vicious killer. He destroyed Pettigrew, leaving behind only a finger for which to be sent to Pettigrew's family. His explosion also caused the death of many innocent Muggles in broad daylight. _

_Black is also the reason for the deaths of Lily and James Potter. When they went into hiding, Black was their Secret-Keeper. Unfortunately for the Potters, Black divulged all information to You-Know-Who, who, on Halloween of last year, hunted down the Potters and murdered them, tearing the family apart and leaving their one-year-old son, Harry, an orphan._

_The Minister of Magic offers only one comment on the capture and arrest of Sirius Black: "Good riddance."_

_In Black's arrest and ultimate subjection to the Dementor's Kiss, hopefully, Pettigrew can be avenged. _

Remus walked into the kitchen and stared down at Leigh. She did not look up, but continued to stir the bubbling potion in the cauldron. "Leighton," He said, his voice grave and monotone.

"Hmm?"

"Peter Pettigrew is dead,"

Leigh dropped the vial in her hand, and it fell to the floor with a _thunk_. "What?"

"Do you remember the explosion yesterday?" Leigh looked up and nodded. "Sirius Black caused it. He killed Pettigrew in the process."

"Sirius? _The _Sirius Black? We went to school with him! We were his friend! Pettigrew was his friend!" She exclaimed.

"He is also the reason the Potters are dead," Remus said, his voice very low. "He sold them to Voldemort."

Leigh shook her head fiercely. "I trusted him. We all trusted him."

"It's unbelievable, I know," Remus nodded. "But he's in Azkaban now. Where he belongs."

"I just – I don't remember Sirius ever being infatuated with the Dark Arts. I always thought he renounced them," Leigh spoke. "I mean, he was a Gryffindor. He distained his brother for being a Death Eater!"

Remus sighed. "Well, we all thought him to be the best candidate for Secret-Keeper. We believed he would do anything to protect Lily and James. Apparently, we were all wrong about Sirius Black."


	6. Chapter 6

_Lessons on Existing Without Your Soul, Chapter 6_

**DISCLAIMER: **No, I do not own any of the characters created by J. K. Rowling, and nor do I claim to. I am merely writing this for my enjoyment and yours, and not for any monetary value.

* * *

><p>The news of Pettigrew's death left Remus very distant. He had now lost his four best friends – all to Voldemort. He had never expected to outlive the Marauders and Lily, considering his condition implied a very short life span. And, he never imagined his closest friend, Sirius Black, to be coursed by Voldemort and the reason for three of friends' deaths. He felt a vast hole in his chest, as if everything he ever knew was a lie.<p>

He did not like this knowledge of Sirius, and wished he had never opened the Daily Prophet that morning. He would have rather remained ignorant of Sirius Black's true agenda, remembering him as his best friend, not his worst enemy.

He remained very quiet for the rest of the day, locking himself in his bedroom and perusing the bookshelf, in hopes of finding something entertaining and distracting to read. However, most of the books in his room were related to the Dark Arts, to magical creatures, to death.

He sighed and sat on the edge of his bed. He tangled his fingers in his thinning hair and pulled tightly, his jaw clenched. He began to cry hot, venomous tears. He was so angry – so angry. He should have known about Sirius, he should have been able to see the signs. He was surrounded by Dark wizards his entire life – his own brother was a Death Eater! How could he have possibly avoided the negativity?

Remus yelled out in frustration, and subsequently pulled out some of his hair.

Sometime later that evening, there was a knock at the door. "Remus? I have your potion," Said Leigh's soft voice. "I can just leave it out here, if you like."

"Thank you, Leighton," Remus said quietly. Leigh's face would have made him feel better, but he did not want her to see him in such a state. He wanted to be alone, but he wanted to be with her.

She understood the tone in his voice, and left the goblet on the floor by the door. "Make sure you drink it soon, alright?"

Remus did not respond, but merely waited for Leigh's footsteps to vanish. He heard a door close at the end of the hall. She was in her room now.

He got up from the bed and opened his door. There was a large goblet there, faint blue smoke coming from the bubbling potion. He wrinkled his nose in disgust. He had drunken Wolfsbane before, and knew that it tasted awful. Unfortunately, adding any form of sweetener would render the potion useless. He held his nose and drank deeply from the potion. It slid down his throat and twisted his insides. Merlin, this potion was nasty.

"_Scourgify_," He said quietly, pointing his wand at the inside of the cup. After it was wiped clean, he set it on the kitchen counter. He decided to help himself a piece of cake, wishing to get the foul taste from the back of his throat.

Remus was standing at the counter, silently eating a large slice of cake when Leigh entered the room. She gasped loudly, her hand clutching her chest.

"Merlin's beard, you scared me! I could have hexed you!" She exclaimed. "I thought you would still be in your room."

"I had to wash that Wolfsbane down with something, didn't I?" Remus chuckled, in spite of himself. "Thank you, again, by the way. I appreciate you making this for me."

"You made me dinner," She smiled at him. "Plus, I like you."

Leigh was surprised by her boldness. _I knew there was a reason I was sorted into Gryffindor, _she thought, smiling to herself.

His heart dropped down to his knees. "Do you, now?" He asked, smirking, recovering from the butterflies in his stomach.

"I'm letting you stay in my home, aren't I?" She moved closer to him. "You like my dog, as well. I like anyone who likes my dog."

They stood face to face, staring at one another. Each soaked in every small detail about the other's face. Leigh reached out her hand and ran her fingers along the scars on Remus' cheek. He closed his eyes, relishing in her touch.

"You have cake on your lip," Leigh said, in the lowest whisper. Remus would not have heard it if they hadn't been standing so close. His breath caught in his throat as her fingers grazed his lips. His heart was beating so fast, he was surprised he couldn't see it jumping out of his chest.

Leigh's hand traveled to Remus' neck, outlining the multitude of scars that he had made there. Goosebumps developed all over his body. He dared not breathe or open his eyes. He felt that if he did, he would wake up from a wonderful dream.

Slowly, she brought her lips to his. They were incredibly warm and soft and Remus couldn't but help return the kiss. He wrapped his arms around her, bringing her body closer to his. The troubles of the world seemed to melt away now that he was touching her, holding her, kissing her. There was no Sirius Black. There was no death. No sorrow. No pain.

When at last their lips parted, they both smiled sheepishly at one another. Remus rested his forehead upon Leigh's, looking down into her beautiful eyes. They did not have to speak, and the silence was perfect.

Remus put two fingers underneath Leigh's chin, tilting her head upwards and bringing his lips to hers once more. He needed another kiss from her, if only just one.

They parted once more. Remus took one looked at her and a smile played across his face. "Your hair, Leighton. It's red!"

She caught herself in the reflection of the kitchen window. She began to laugh. "That's the second time this week you've made my hair change colors. You must be having some profound effect on me!" Her tone was sarcastic, but good-humored. "Although, red isn't exactly my color…"

Leigh closed her eyes and took a very deep breath. Her hair was now bright pink. "I think this suits me better."

Remus ran his fingers through her newly pink hair. "I love it," He said.

Leigh smiled at him. "Well, I think I'll be going to bed now, if that's it." She made to leave the kitchen, but Remus grabbed a hold of her wrist.

"Just – just once more," He said quietly, his voice full of longing.

He kissed her, his hand still around her wrist. He did not wish to let go of her.


	7. Chapter 7

_Lessons on Existing Without Your Soul, Chapter 7_

**DISCLAIMER: **No, I do not own any of the characters created by J. K. Rowling, and nor do I claim to. I am merely writing this for my enjoyment and yours, and not for any monetary value.

* * *

><p>Remus slept soundly for the rest of the week.<p>

Never before had he been so well rested during the week preceding a transformation. He was usually left alone with only his thoughts to keep him company, pacing around his hovel of a home, waiting impatiently for the full moon to rise.

For the first time in his entire life, Remus did not dwell on his upcoming transformation. His mind was occupied by Leigh, memories of the kiss they shared so many nights ago, and every other evening they had spent together, deep in conversation.

Sirius Black, Lily and James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and the news about the Longbottoms seemed so far away now.

Remus was forced back into reality Sunday morning. His transformation would take place that evening. He wanted to stay in bed all day long; his embarrassment and shame returned, full-fledged. As much as he wanted to see Leigh, he did not want her to see him.

Regardless, there was a quiet knock on his door. "Remus, are you awake?"

"Yes, come in, Leighton," Remus responded.

Leigh entered the guest bedroom with a goblet that was smoking faintly. "I have your potion,"

"Thank you," Remus said, taking the goblet from her and downing it in one swallow. His face contorted as the thick potion slid down his throat. Once the goblet was empty, he placed it on his nightstand. Leigh sat on the edge of his bed.

"What do you want for breakfast?" She asked, smiling weakly at him. Leigh hated seeing him like this. In the past week, he had grown more tired looking, if it were even possible. His skin had become pallid and dark circles formed around his eyes. His hair was much thinner than usual. He looked as if he was in pain, but yet, there was a happiness in his eyes that never faded.

He smiled back at her. "I will have whatever you're making,"

Leigh leaned across the bed and quickly kissed Remus. "Pancakes it is, then," She stood and left the guest room, but not before giving him a fleeting smile and winking.

X

The day dragged on for miles, it seemed. Evening did not want to fall. Leigh and Remus stayed in the living room for the majority of the day, idly watched movies and played Wizard's Chess. They ate lunch, which was salad and wine for Leigh and a rare steak for Remus. Upon finishing his red meat, Remus was disgusted with himself.

He did not tell Leigh what was wrong when she inquired. He was utterly ashamed of his condition, of his afflictions, of his inability to support himself. He dabbed at the corners of his mouth with a napkin and quietly stood from the table. He sent the dishes to the kitchen, where they began to magically clean themselves.

Simultaneously, they sighed.

Day slipped into afternoon, and afternoon into evening. Remus knocked gently on Leigh's door.

She opened her door, and followed him silently down the hallway. Once they reached Remus' door, they stared at each other. Leigh grabbed Remus' hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "I'll check up on you, okay?"

"I don't want you to risk-"

"Oh, shut up, Remus," Leigh kissed him.

For the first time in a week, his eyes were full of sadness. "Good night, Leighton,"

He entered his room, which was now devoid of all hard furniture. He glanced back at Leigh before she closed the door. She magically locked and reinforced the door so Remus would not be able to leave his room until she let him out.

Penelope sat at the foot of the door, her nose pressed to the space between the door and the floor. She whimpered.

"Keep your eye on him, alright?"

Leigh began to place protective charms around the home, focusing on making sure Remus would not be heard by the neighbors. It was important that tonight seemed like every other night to the Muggles that lived ignorantly next to a witch and wizard.

Once Leigh was confident no one could hear Remus or see into the house, she began making the two potions she promised Remus. She set to work, making the potion for pain practically by memory.

Leigh checked her watch. Half the night was over. She yawned and helped herself to another cup of coffee. The first potion was brewed and was now in a goblet, waiting to be drunk at a moment's notice. "_Scourgify,_" She muttered, pointing her wand at the cauldron.

She set her potion making instruments to cleaning themselves while she walked slowly and quietly out of the kitchen and toward the guest bedroom.

Penelope was still sitting in the exact same position, her ears attentive. Leigh could hear very soft whimpering from inside the room.

Leigh removed the magical enchantments with the wave of her wand and cautiously opened the door.

She had never seen something so sad, so _helpless. _

Remus was no longer human, but traces of his face remained. He was huddled in the corner, licking his left arm, which Leigh saw had three enormous gashes on it which blood was flowing from. His back was scratched and scarred, covered in both old and new wounds. He was shaking, his wolfish tail between his hind legs. Leigh had never felt sorrier for anything in her entire life.

Penelope watched curiously from the door, but did not enter the room. Her tail was also between her legs.

Leigh stepped backwards out of the room, keeping her eyes on Remus, in case he decided to attack her. He began to walk in circles, and eventually laid down on a pile of blankets on the floor. He curled up into a ball, his whimpering never ceasing.

She closed the door and placed the enchantments on it once more. Her eyes were full to the brim with tears, threatening to slip past her eyelashes at any moment. She moved trance-like into the living room and sat on the couch.

She immediately started crying.

X

Leigh looked up, her eyes bloodshot and puffy, as dawn broke. Slowly, light filled the house. From the hallway, Leigh heard a groan. She shot up from the couch.

Remus.

She undid the enchantments for the third time and burst into the room. Remus was lying on the floor, both naked and in human form. His eyes were rolled back in his head, incoherent noises coming from his mouth. He was bleeding and twitching.

"Remus," Leigh breathed. "Shit, shit, shit."

He looked up at her. "Leighton," He said, his voice hoarse and quiet. He reached out his arm to her. "Leighton,"

Tears stung at her eyes but she refused to let them fall. Now was not the time. She needed to help Remus as soon as possible.

"Remus, can you stand?" She asked, frantically.

He shook his head. His eyes were shut tight, as if everything was causing him extreme amounts of pain.

"I'm going to Hover you into the bath, okay?" She asked. "Give me two seconds!"

Leigh ran at full speed to the bathroom and filled the tub with warm water. She did not bother with bubble potion or anything else – that would only irritate his wounds.

She returned to the small bedroom and placed a Hover Charm on Remus. She was careful to make sure he did not hit any walls on the way to the bathroom; he was already in enough pain.

Gently, Leigh placed him in the tub. He sunk into the water, which slowly became mixed with blood. He groaned in pain as the warm water entered his wounds, but after a few moments, his face relaxed.

Leigh wiped her eyes. "I – I'm going to get the potion for pain."

He nodded weakly. She left the room to get the goblet. She had not forgotten she could summon the potion, but merely wanted an excuse to leave the bathroom. She heaved a sob and quickly covered her mouth. She did not want Remus to hear her.

She composed herself and returned to the bathroom, where she placed the goblet on the counter. "Remus, let's sit you up," She said.

Remus struggled to sit upright, his face contorted with pain. He eventually managed, and leaned his head back on the cold, bathroom tiles. He was breathing heavily.

Shakily, Leigh handed him the goblet. "Drink this,"

He swallowed the potion and took a long, relaxing breath. His shoulders fell and pain left his pale face. He opened his eyes and looked into Leigh's, weakly smiling at her. He lifted his hand out of the water and took her hand in his. He squeezed it with as much might as he could muster before returning his hand into the warm water.


	8. Chapter 8

_Lessons on Existing Without Your Soul, Chapter 8_

**DISCLAIMER: **No, I do not own any of the characters created by J. K. Rowling, and nor do I claim to. I am merely writing this for my enjoyment and yours, and not for any monetary value.

* * *

><p>Remus lay in Leigh's bed. She insisted he sleep there for the night, considering his bed had been removed from the guest room and the couch was not suitable for someone who had just transformed from human to wolf and back to human again.<p>

Leigh was tending to his many wounds, cleaning and applying Dittany to the major cuts. She began to wrap his left arm when he lifted his hand to her face. He caressed her cheek and looked into her eyes. "Thank you, Leighton,"

She smiled down at him. "Once we get you wrapped up, I'll give you a Sleeping Draught,"

Remus watched as Leigh resumed wrapping his arm in gauze. "Are you working today?"

"Not a chance in Hell," Leigh responded, smiling. "Done!" She said, patting his hand gently.

"Very nice handiwork," Remus commented. "Thank you, again, Leighton. This is more than I could ask for."

"You're welcome," She said. "_Accio _Sleeping Draught!"

A goblet came zooming into the room. Leigh caught it in her hand. "Can you sit up?"

His muscles tired and weak, Remus struggled to sit in an upright position; Leigh had to help him. He drank the potion and instantly began to feel the side effects.

"Leighton, stay with me, please,"

Leigh placed the goblet on the nightstand and looked down at Remus. He was already slipping into a very deep sleep. She looked down, to find Penelope at the door. Leigh went to the door, picked up Penelope, shut off the lights, and returned to the bed.

She allowed Penelope to sleep with them and climbed into the soft, warm bed. Leigh, who was very tired herself, fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

X

Remus thought Leigh was always beautiful, but even more so when she was sleeping. He watched as she slept, her pink hair sticking out in every direction and her mouth slightly open. He wanted to touch her face, but he did not want to wake her.

Penelope began to lick Remus' face. He smiled and had to stifle back a laugh or two. He hid his face in the pillows, not wishing to be licked any further.

The dog must have turned her attention to Leigh, because she began to stir. "Penelope, stop," She said sleepily, pushing the dog gently away. "Go away."

She turned her face so Remus was not able to see it anymore. Penelope licked Leigh's exposed ear and began to playfully bark. Leigh groaned. "Fine, I'm up, I'm up!"

She threw the blankets off of her and saw Remus lying in bed next to her. She gasped very loudly and almost fell out of the bed. "Shit!"

"Good morning," Remus said, very amused.

"Good morning to you as well," She responded. "I completely forgot – did I wake you?"

"No, don't worry. I've been awake for awhile," He answered.

Leigh examined his arm. The bandages were damp with blood; they would need to be changed. "How do you feel? Did you sleep well? Do you want some more pain potion?"

Remus laughed. "I feel okay, I slept fine, and I don't think I need another dose of pain potion, but thank you."

"It's not a problem; I can whip you up a potion in five minutes-"

"Leighton, it's okay," Remus assured her. "My muscles are sore, but I'll manage."

Leigh stared at him. He gave her a reassuring smile before struggling closer to her and kissing her on the forehead.

"I-" Leigh started. She pointed her thumb toward the door. "I need – I need to get the furniture back-"

"Leighton, take some advice from a werewolf," Remus said. Leigh stared blankly at him. "Take it easy the morning after a transformation."

Leigh lay back in bed, staring at the ceiling. Moments passed. She turned her head and looked at Remus, who was, not surprisingly, looking at her. "Remus, I am not used to being this idle!"

Remus chuckled. "For once, Leighton, don't think. Just," He paused for dramatic effect, "be."

"_Just be_?" Leigh asked, incredulously. "I'm going to get hungry and I have to let the dog out and I need to send word to the Ministry that I'm not coming in today – I don't have time for this!"

"Shh, shhh," Remus cooed. "Just relax. Close your eyes. Breathe."

Leigh glared at him, but did as she was told. Sooner than she expected, she was drifting off to sleep once more.

Two hours later, Leigh awoke to find herself very alone in her bed. She hastened out of her room very quickly, to find Remus putting furniture back into his room. She smiled and playfully placed her hand on her hip.

"Remus Lupin, what do you think you are doing?"

He turned to look at her. He smirked. She was not wearing pants.

"Actually, I was putting my furniture back in my room. You see, Penelope wanted out and I passed my disaster of a bedroom. I did not want to wake you, so I decided to take matters into my own hands," Remus answered genially. "May I ask – where are your pants?"

"I don't wear pants when I sleep – no! I'm asking the questions!" Leigh was quite flustered now. "Just – just get back in bed! You are not supposed to be exerting yourself in your present state!"

Remus laughed heartily. "I feel fine, Leight-"

"Remus Lupin, you get back in that bed right now!" She shouted, pointing toward her bedroom.

Remus was very amused. "You really want me back in your bed, don't you?" His smile threatened to reach his ears.

"I do, actually," Leigh said.

"Well, my bed is already set up, and it's much closer," Remus looked thoughtfully into his bedroom.

"I don't really care what bed you get into, as long as you get into one." Leigh responded, exasperated. "I need to change your bandages anyway!"

Remus approached her, a wolfish grin playing on his lips. "The bandages," He whispered in her ear. Goosebumps popped up all over Leigh's body. "I think they can wait."

Suddenly, his hand was behind her neck, his lips were on hers. He was kissing her in ways she had never experienced. Hastily, and somewhat sloppily, they made their way down the hallway and into the guest bedroom.

Remus closed the door behind them, ensuring them the privacy they so desperately wanted.


	9. Chapter 9

_Lessons on Existing Without Your Soul, Chapter 9_

**DISCLAIMER: **No, I do not own any of the characters created by J. K. Rowling, and nor do I claim to. I am merely writing this for my enjoyment and yours, and not for any monetary value.

* * *

><p>For the third time that day, Leigh found herself on her back, staring up at the ceiling. She was breathing heavily, smiling, and sweating. She half wanted to pull out a pack of cigarettes and sit on the edge of the bed, smoking, much like in many of the Muggle movies she had watched. However, she did not have any cigarettes, and perhaps, was too weak to move.<p>

Remus was kissing her bare belly, also sweating and breathing heavily. Leigh ran her fingers through his hair, her eyes closed; she took in every soft kiss he placed on her body.

He stopped kissing her and looked up. _She is absolutely gorgeous, _he thought to himself. He stared at her until she opened her eyes and looked at him.

"Do you want some potatoes?" She asked.

A moment passed, and then they both began laughing tiredly, loudly.

Although both were rather hungry, neither left the bed for another ten minutes. They lie next to each other in silence, their thoughts swimming madly. Eventually, a loud gurgling sounded from Remus' stomach, and both decided breakfast – now lunch – could no longer wait.

Leigh stood and attempted to locate her underwear and shirt. She found the brightly colored underwear somewhere near the closet, but her black shirt was lost amongst the sheets. She opted for one of Remus' jumpers – he didn't seem to mind.

Remus dressed slowly, however, not being able to move his arms as freely as he would hope. He was having a very hard time getting his shirt on, and ultimately, Leigh had to put it on for him, but only after attempting to convince him to go shirtless.

Tired and weak, they stumbled out of the bedroom, only to be met with eager barks from Penelope, who desperately wanted attention. "I'm sorry I've neglected you all this time!" She said to Penelope, picking her up and allowing the dog to lick her face.

Leigh opened the slider, and placed Penelope on the ground. Penelope was pleased to finally be outside, after hours and hours of waiting.

Leigh made her way to the kitchen. Seeing Penelope's bowl was quite empty, she magically filled it. "And now, us," Leigh said to no one in particular.

To Leigh's amazement, she had potatoes. "Remus, we're in luck! I've found the potatoes!"

Remus came into view, holding both the Muggle newspaper and the Daily Prophet in his right hand. "Splendid," He said, rather amused, still, by the prospect of potatoes.

"You know, usually, I would go for some meat, something thick, after sex. I mean, I get hungry after burning all of those calories," She put the potatoes in the oven. "But considering you ate the last steak," She paused, "Potatoes."

"Hmm, I suppose so, yes," Remus responded very absently. He was now skimming through the paper.

"Anyone we care about dead?" Leigh asked, noticing Remus' attention had been taken off her and directed toward the Prophet now.

"No," He answered. "Nothing interesting in here at all, actually."

"Well, I suppose that's to be expected. Nothing interesting is happening anymore, not really," Leigh said, preparing a kettle of hot water. "It's weird, isn't it?"

"What's weird?" Remus asked, looking up from the paper.

"That nothing's happening anymore. We spent eleven years hearing about death and torture and mysterious disappearances – and suddenly, we don't. It's odd to me, living in a world without senseless violence," Leigh answered. "I mean, I'm almost expecting to pick up the paper tomorrow to hear that Voldemort's back and that my entire family is dead. It's just what I'm used to."

"That's all over now. It's a new world," Remus said, though he didn't sound very convincing.

Leigh shook her head, as if to rid the thoughts from her mind. "No, let's not talk about this right now."

"I agree. Much too morbid for table talk," Remus said. "How about those Chudley Cannons?"

Leigh laughed, despite herself. She was still thinking about Voldemort, and how she could hardly believe the dark times were over. The silence that had fallen over the Wizarding world was eerie, reminiscent of the eye of a particularly bad storm – for now, there was peace, but Leigh was sure there would be more violence to come.

The kettle whistled, allowing Leigh to think of which tea she was going to have, rather than the prospect of everyone she loved being murdered in the fortnight. She poured two mugs of hot water and placed one in front of Remus. She sent the various boxes of teas to the table.

Silence.

Leigh tried not to count the seconds that went by. She resolved to stare out of the sliding glass door, watching Penelope frolic in the overgrown grass. In the sky, something small approached. Leigh watched the small thing, interested. As it got closer to the house, she realized it was an owl – an owl that was rapidly approaching the sliding glass door.

She hastened to open the door, sliding it open just in time to let the small owl in. It was a Ministry owl, and it was carrying a single note.

She removed the letter from the owl, which stood quite still on the dining room table. Penelope watched curiously from the backyard as Leigh read the letter to herself.

_Leighton – _

_By return of owl, verify you are safe and alive._

_Kingsley _

It was not an official letter from the Auror Department, but a note quickly scrawled by a former Order member and friend. Leigh scrambled to find a piece of paper and a pen. The note she returned was slightly longer but no less terse than Kingsley's:

_Kingsley – _

_All is well. Moony is staying with me. Full moon last night. Had to take care of him. Woke up late, forgot to send word. Will come in tomorrow._

_Leigh_

Leigh attached the paper to the owl's leg, who was most likely instructed to stay until it received a note from Leigh. She opened the sliding glass door and the owl flew off.

"Who was it?" Remus asked. He stood next to Leigh and also watched the owl fly away.

"Kingsley. He wanted to make sure I was alive," Leigh answered, not turning to look at him. Penelope came in and headed straight for the food bowl. Leigh closed the sliding glass door.

"Oh," Remus said. He sat on the couch.

"What's wrong?" Leigh asked cautiously. She did not sit on the couch next to him, but remained standing by the sliding glass door.

Remus could not make out her face as she stood before him. The sun was shining behind her, silhouetting her form. "I don't – I don't know if this is-"

"Safe?" Leigh said for him. He nodded, his face remaining quite blank. "I see," She said after a few moments of silence.

Remus did not speak, but not for lack of trying. He was trying to formulate sentences in his head, but they all seemed incredibly stupid. Leigh took notice, and decided to direct the conversation.

"What made you think of this?" She tried to keep an accusatory tone from her voice, though she was having much difficulty.

"This isn't a new thought – I have been thinking this ever since I arrived on your doorstep," He admitted. He forced himself not to meet Leigh's eyes. He was ashamed of himself. She had already done so much for him, and he did not wish to seem unappreciative. "I'm a monster, Leighton, and you should not be subjected to my presence."

"_Subjected _to your _presence_?" Leigh asked, incredulously. "Did I hear you correctly?"

Remus did not answer. He felt like a child.

"Remus, I let you stay here. I knew what I was getting into, and what dangers I might be inflicting upon myself. After becoming an Auror, living with a werewolf is tame. I am not scared of what you become twelve times a year. There are," She thought for a second, performing quick math in her head, "three hundred and fifty-three other days in the year, during which you are a wonderfully gifted and kind man."

Again, Remus did not speak.

"I have faced many monsters in my life – Death Eaters, Inferi, giants, an assortment of other dark creatures, and Lord Voldemort himself. Don't tell me Remus Lupin is more dangerous than the shit I see every day."

Remus finally spoke. "I could bite you, Leighton. I could – I could impregnate you." There was a crazed look in his eyes. "I mean, this morning – it was wonderful, truly, but that can't happen again."

Leigh looked at him, her eyes full of tears. Luckily, Remus could not see this. He continued, "I can't control my feelings for you, and I fear that what happened this morning will happen again."

"Remus, that's not an issue-"

Quickly, he stood from the couch and began to pace frantically. "How is it not an issue, Leighton? I could pass on my disease to an innocent child-"

"Remus, listen to me-" Leigh said, in a placating tone.

Remus had not heard her, but continued to pace and rant, practically yelling at the top of his lungs. Leigh took Remus' place on the couch, her head in her hands. Finally, Remus stopped and took notice of Leigh. She was staring up at him, her hands over her mouth now.

She said something, but he could not hear her. "Come again?" He asked.

"I can't have children, Remus!" She shouted, and then proceeded to start sobbing hysterically.


	10. Chapter 10

_Lessons on Existing Without Your Soul, Chapter 10_

**DISCLAIMER: **No, I do not own any of the characters created by J. K. Rowling, and nor do I claim to. I am merely writing this for my enjoyment and yours, and not for any monetary value.

* * *

><p>Remus' anger seemed to subside almost immediately. He was no longer trying to force Leigh to see reason, but was now rushing to her side, apologizing profusely for being so tactless.<p>

Leigh did not hear any of his apologies, nor did she want to. All she really cared about was that his arms were around her and he was cooing softly in her ear. His breath was hot against her neck, his body warm against hers. Instead of seeing Remus, she saw her own mother holding her.

How many times had she sat on the couch with her mom, crying over her inability to have children? Who would have known the infection Leigh's mother had while she was pregnant would have destroyed Leigh's developing reproductive system? Though her parents always knew, Leigh did not find out until she did not receive her period like the other girls in school.

To not be able to mother her own children, to never be able to bring life into the world – Leigh was devastated. For months, her schoolwork suffered. She spent every waking moment crying, and every night suffering from terrible nightmares.

How she passed her OWLs, she still does not know.

Very few people knew about her _problem_, and she never intended for Remus to ever find out. She had known Remus for so long now – since their school days – and she never expected to have more than friendly feelings toward him. He was always the kid in the corner reading a ratty book, or otherwise, pranking students and torturing Severus Snape with James and Sirius and Peter. And, after school, they were merely Order members, colleagues, but nothing more.

When he arrived at her house that fateful evening, she hardly expected to be sharing a bed with him in the future, nonetheless spilling her deepest secret to him.

She was unable to stem the flow of her tears. She had not thought about _this _for so long. It was always a thought in the back of her mind, yes, but she had not spoken about it or dwelled on it for years.

"Remus," She started, her voice watery, "You often speak of not wanting to hurt me, but really, what more pain can you cause me?"

X

Indeed, Remus had found a way to make things much, much worse.

Leigh awoke the next morning to find Remus' room empty. His things were gone, only to be replaced by a piece of parchment.

_Leighton,_

_I am truly sorry for leaving you in your present state, but I care only for your safety and your well-being. I felt it was best for both of us if I left. I do not belong amongst humans, for I am but a beast. You do not deserve to be made an outcast, which you would have inevitably become if I had remained in your home. _

_I care too deeply for you, and it pains me knowing that during our time together, I could have attacked you. I do not wish to harm you, and by staying in close proximity to you, I cannot promise your safety. I am much too dangerous._

_Thank you for all you have done for me. I could not have asked for a more gracious host and friend. You are a remarkable witch and I will not forget all of ways you have helped me over the past months. Do not think me ungrateful._

_Please do not attempt to send me any owls. I am going underground, to live with the other werewolves. I will be amongst my own kind, where I cannot hurt you any longer. _

_Yours,_

_Remus Lupin_

Her eyes remained dry as she read and reread the note. She was having a very hard time believing that the man she thought to be so kind would leave abruptly when she needed him most, and therefore did not see this letter as a good-bye, but as a terrible joke.

She folded the parchment and headed to the kitchen, where she prepared herself a nice breakfast.

Absentmindedly, she set the table for two and made enough food to share between two adults. For a few minutes, she even waited for Remus to arrive at the table, completely convinced he had only gotten up to use the restroom and would soon join her for breakfast. When he did not come, however, she proceeded to eat her breakfast solemnly, leaving Remus' food untouched.

The food was still on the table when she came home from work that evening. She stared at the plate, still wearing her travelling cloak and scarf. She sighed and pulled out her wand. This was, perhaps, undeniable proof that Remus was gone. She cleared the plate and sent it to the kitchen, to join the other dirty dishes in the sink.

Without hanging up her cloak, she treaded to the living room and slumped onto the couch. She twirled her wand in her hand, thinking if she wanted to contact Dumbledore or not.

She slipped her hand into her pocket and pulled out the note from Remus. The note had been in her cloak all day, and she had periodically read it during down time, in case she had misread it that morning.

The note remained as it was, and seeing as Remus still had not come home or attempted to contact her, she made up her mind.

She conjured a Patronus, a large German shepherd, and spoke to it. "Albus, I have lost Remus. He went to live with the werewolves. I do not know what to do and I am scared."

The Patronus bounded from the living room and disappeared, leaving the room very cold and dark.

She sat in the dark, staring into the wall, when suddenly, green light came from the fire place. She watched as the figure of Albus Dumbledore grew bigger and bigger, and before she knew it, he was standing before her, shaking ash from his robes.

"Albus, thank Merlin," Leigh said, rushing to him. "Do you want some tea?"

"No, no, thank you, Leighton. Please, sit down,"

Leigh sat, though, admittedly, felt weird to be offered a seat in her own home. Dumbledore swept away the ashes with the flick of his wand and conjured two glasses and a bottle of mead. The mead poured itself, and one of the glasses flew toward Leigh.

"What has happened to our dear Remus?" Dumbledore asked, taking a seat in the armchair opposite Leigh.

Leigh told him everything that had happened, struggling to hold back her tears. She was terribly upset about it all – she had not realized how empty her home was without Remus. Even though it had been one day, she missed him almost as much as she missed her parents.

"And then, I woke up this morning, and I found this note he left," Leigh said, handing Dumbledore the folded parchment. "I'm really worried."

Dumbledore read the note, and nodded. "I can see why you are worried, Leighton. This is a poor idea, and Remus is putting himself into grave danger. The werewolves are not going to be pleased by his presence. He did not devote himself to Lord Voldemort as they did, but instead joined ranks with me. He is as safe there as you and I are. They will tear him to pieces if given the chance."


	11. Chapter 11

_Lessons on Existing Without Your Soul, Chapter 11_

**DISCLAIMER: **No, I do not own any of the characters created by J. K. Rowling, and nor do I claim to. I am merely writing this for my enjoyment and yours, and not for any monetary value.

* * *

><p>Weeks passed with neither hide nor hair of Remus Lupin. Leigh grew incredibly agitated and tense and rarely slept through the night. One could often find her pacing around her living room, jumping at every sound that was familiar to a knock on the door.<p>

Her hair was mousy brown again, and Leigh was positive this was because she was perpetually thinking of Remus' safety. Penelope seemed to tune into Leigh's new posture and habits, and usually stared worriedly at Leigh from afar. She, too, tended to wait at the front door, hoping for Remus to come back.

Dumbledore kept popping in every so often, not only to ask Leigh if she had heard anything from Remus, but to also inform her of what was being done to find him. Last Leigh was told, Dumbledore had sent Rubeus Hagrid, the Hogwarts Gamekeeper to search the various werewolf hovels in Britain. Hagrid tended to converse with the most interesting people in pubs, and therefore knew the whereabouts of many underground dwellings.

What worried Dumbledore most was what lie in store for Remus if he stumbled upon a particularly vicious group of werewolves – or worse, Fenrir Greyback himself. Greyback was the werewolf that had bitten Remus, Dumbledore had told Leigh one evening, and probably would not mind giving Remus another bite, if given the opportunity.

Leigh did not sleep very much anymore. The days seemed to blur together; she did not know when one day ended and the next began. Her performance at work suffered immensely, and she was soon forced to take time off to tend to her nerves.

She did not want to stop working – work kept her mind off of Remus, if only for a few minutes. Unfortunately, her magic was failing. Her work, which had always been superb, was now less than adequate. The Head of the Auror Department considered firing her, but somehow, he had been convinced to give her a leave of absence.

So, Leigh sat at home every day for three weeks. She _hated _it. Waiting made her even more anxious. She had nothing to occupy her hands anymore, and therefore, she didn't know what to do with them. When she wasn't pacing, she was sitting on the couch in the living room, staring at her useless hands.

Leigh did not like being so derailed by one man. Don't think Leigh pathetic – no – she was far from pathetic. Her lack of productivity was not merely because she missed him and loved him and was heartbroken because he left; she was left a mess because she was dead worried about him.

She knew for a fact that under her watchful eye, Remus was safe. But now, Leigh did not know where Remus was or what he was doing or if he was alive or not. The lack of control and knowledge drove her barmy. He could be bleeding out in an alley somewhere and she wouldn't know it.

Nothing could placate her thoughts. She tried watching television (when she turned on the TV, a werewolf movie was showing). She tried gardening (too cold). She tried cooking (she wasn't hungry). She tried knitting (she was terrible at it).

So, instead, she lay slumped on the couch and counted the number of cracks in her ceiling.

It was one of those days when she was counting the cracks in her ceiling when her fireplace burned green. She did not stand to greet Dumbledore, as her legs were too weak. He wouldn't be too offended, either.

"Is the ceiling more important than a guest, Leighton?" Asked a cold and sneering voice.

A happier Leigh would have shouted and jumped in surprise, but the current Leigh merely turned her head ever so slightly to look at Severus Snape, who was brushing soot from his black robes.

"Hello, Severus," Leigh said quietly, before sitting up properly on the couch and wiping some drool from her cheek. "Tea?"

"Don't busy yourself, Leighton, I'll get it," Snape said. He waved his wand and two mugs of tea appeared out of thin air. "May I sit?"

"Of course, Severus, please do," Leigh answered. She took a sip of tea. It was quite bitter, but she was not at all surprised that Snape would enjoy a nice, bitter cup of tea.

Snape sat down and took a long drink of tea. "Dumbledore tells me you are having some-" Snape paused, and sneered, "-problems."

Leigh stared tiredly at him. "Yes?"

"And he requested I visit you in order to, how did he put it? Ah, yes, _cheer you up_," Snape finished.

Leigh blinked a few times before speaking. "Did Dumbledore honestly say that?"

"Yes, Dumbledore believes I will be able to enhance your current mood," He answered. He was frowning.

Leigh opened her mouth to speak, but said nothing. Instead, she sighed. "No offense, Severus, but I truly doubt you will be able to make me feel any better."

"I hear your magical abilities are waning," Snape said, not at all offended by Leigh's comment. He seemed to relish in Leigh's failing magic.

"Please don't rub it in, Severus," Leigh said wearily. If he only came here to insult her, she would hex him. If she could.

"I also hear you are incapable of brewing even the simplest of potions-"

"If the only reason you came here was to slur my lack of magical abilities, I must insist that you leave at once," Leigh said, her voice rising. "I cannot tolerate your snide remarks right now, Severus."

Leigh was now standing, her fists in balls and her jaw clenched.

Severus and Leigh got on well in school, at least, as well as any Slytherin and Gryffindor could. Leigh was cordial to Severus, and therefore, he was cordial to her. They had even helped each other out in Potions once or twice, seeing as they were both equally matched in intelligence.

"Dumbledore has asked me to prepare a store of Calming Draught for you," Snape said, his tone clipped. Admittedly, he had no reason to taunt Leigh, as she had always been nice to him. It was his natural instinct to lash out at people, he supposed, due to the treatment he had been dealt his entire life.

"I do not want your charity, Severus," Leigh said, coldly.

"It is not my charity, but Dumbledore's," Snape corrected. "He is worried for you, and I can see why-"

"Haven't you ever cared for anyone, Severus?" Leigh shouted abruptly. "No, no, because Severus Snape has never cared for anyone but himself! You wouldn't understand what I'm going through right now."

Snape was silent. That was untrue. Snape had cared for someone before, very much, in fact. It was cruel, he thought, that Leigh could think he never cared for anyone.

"You love the werewolf, don't you, Leighton?" Snape said, icily.

"Don't you call him that, Severus!" Leigh's voice was shaking now. Tears filled her eyes. She was angry now, angrier than she had been in weeks. "Don't you dare call Remus a werewolf!"

Snape stood stock-still. Her sudden outburst alarmed him, and he was not sure if she was going to jinx him or not. He regained his composure and grasped his wand discreetly in his robes.

Leigh did not attack him, however. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, calming herself down. She put her finger tips on her temples. "Severus, I'm sorry. I'm sure you – I'm just agitated, that's all, just really worried. I'm sorry. I should not have taken my frustration out on you."

He knew she was sincere, and nodded. A few moments passed until Snape spoke. "Would you like me to brew you a Calming Draught?" He asked.

"Yes, Severus, please," Leigh said. "Perhaps I need one much more than I believed."


	12. Chapter 12

_Lessons on Existing Without Your Soul, Chapter 12_

**DISCLAIMER: **No, I do not own any of the characters created by J. K. Rowling, and nor do I claim to. I am merely writing this for my enjoyment and yours, and not for any monetary value.

* * *

><p>Severus proved to be a most boring and unenjoyable houseguest, though, Leigh had to admit, it was nice having someone around. They didn't speak, but Leigh liked thinking that if she wanted to say something, he would be kind enough to hold a conversation with her. She walked aimlessly around the house as Snape brewed a few spare potions for Leigh, all of which he made by memory. Leigh could not help but be impressed – she knew he was good, but she didn't know he was <em>that<em> good.

Sometimes, Leigh would open her mouth to speak, but would readily close it. She was still ashamed of her outburst, and was almost afraid she would start yelling again if he, as he probably would, provoked her.

The sun was setting as Snape began to pack up his things. "Won't you stay for dinner, Severus?" Leigh asked. "It's the least I could do."

"No, no, I think it would be best if I returned to Hogwarts," Snape responded. "But thank you for the kind offer."

He treaded to the fire place, and grabbed a heaping handful of Floo powder from the jar by the pokers.

"Severus," Leigh said loudly, to catch his attention. He raised an eyebrow at her. "Thank you."

"Hogwarts!" He shouted, throwing the powder to the floor of the fire place. With a flash of green flames, Severus Snape was gone.

The house was left silent once more. Leigh sat on the couch and stared intently into the blackened and very empty fireplace. She half wished Snape hadn't left in a burst of flames. At least his presence, regardless of how reluctant, occupied her mind.

Leigh yawned. Perhaps it was time for her to attempt to fall asleep, though she didn't really want to. What if something happened in the hours she was asleep? She did not want to miss something that probably would not occur.

She yawned again.

Defeated, she stood from the couch. With a very feeble flick of her wand, a few lights dimmed – not the effect she was going for. All of the lights were supposed to go out completely. Leigh sighed and manually turned off each light, one by one. She had never felt more like a Muggle in her entire life.

"Penelope," Leigh called loudly. "Bed time."

No response. Odd. Usually Penelope came bounding to Leigh whenever she called her name.

"Penelope?"

Still no response.

_Whatever, _she thought, _she's a dog. She can take care of herself._

Leigh entered the mouth of the hallway to find Penelope curled into a ball at the door of the guest bedroom – Remus' old room. "I miss him too," Leigh said to the huddled mass on the floor.

She opened the door, half expecting to see Remus asleep on the bed, his sandy hair covering his scarred face. The bed, which Remus had made before he left, was quite empty.

Leigh walked trance-like to the bed. She stared at the pillows and sheets, and imagined Remus' body there. She crawled into the bed and covered herself with the blankets. She could smell Remus all around her – and if she tried hard enough, she could feel him next to her.

Penelope jumped on the bed – she was big enough to do so now – and curled up next to Leigh.

"Good night," Leigh said quietly, shutting her eyes and letting sleep wash over her.

And Leigh could have sworn she heard the soft voice of Remus wish her a good night, as well.

X

_There was a knock on the front door – the knock Leigh had been waiting so long to hear. Both Penelope and Leigh ran to the door, incredibly excited to see who was on the other side. Leigh looked through the peephole; a tall, handsome, and scarless man stood on the doormat, smiling widely. He carried a suitcase, a suitcase Leigh had seen before._

_Leigh threw the door open. "Remus!" She shouted._

_He dropped his suitcase as she ran forward. She jumped onto him, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. His arms enveloped her body as he kissed every inch of her he could. Tears were streaming down her face._

"_I'm so happy you're home!" She said, before planting a huge kiss on his lips._

"_I'm happy to be home, Leighton," Remus responded, carrying Leigh into the house, his suitcase magically floating behind them. _

Leigh woke up to the sound of scratching and whimpering. She shot up in bed to find Penelope had long left the guest room. Leigh patted the empty swath of bed next to her, to find no one was in bed with her.

"Remus?" She called out. "Remus?"

It took her a few minutes to realize Remus had not fallen asleep by her side, and that she was only dreaming he had returned home, safe and unmarked.

_Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic, _Leigh thought to herself. She slapped her hand to her forehead and laid back down, preparing to go back to sleep.

However, the whimpering only grew louder, and the scratching grew more frantic and persistent. Leigh sighed and threw the covers off of her and placed her feet on the floor. She was still in her jeans and tee-shirt from the night before. She scratched her head.

The whimpering was now turning into pained and strangled barks.

"Okay, Penelope!" Leigh shouted, irritated. "You're hungry, I get it!"

Leigh exited the guest room, yawning so hard, her eyes were forced shut. When she opened them, she found Penelope was not in the kitchen, scratching at her food bowl, but at the front door. There was blood at the bottom of the door, presumably from Penelope's incessant scratching. "Penelope!" Leigh called.

The dog ran toward Leigh, her entire body shaking. There was blood on her muzzle and paws. Leigh, very worried, examined the dog for wounds. Perhaps there was another dog outside and Penelope just wanted to get out and play, and in her excitement, tried to dig a hole through the door.

Penelope's gums were bleeding, and one of her claws had fallen out. Leigh shook her head. "You crazy dog," She muttered. "What's out there?"

Penelope ran back to the door, crying loudly. Leigh looked through the peephole. She could not see anything as she looked directly outward, but then, her eye traveled to a black mass on the ground.

"…the hell is this?" Leigh said, unlocking the door. Penelope slipped through the gap as Leigh opened it, and began licking the black figure lying across the doormat.

"Penelope!" Leigh shouted. "Get back into the house!"

The dog did not listen, but continued to sniff and lick the mound. Leigh bent down, incredibly worried and, admittedly, scared.

Penelope started barking. Slowly, Leigh extended her arm and pulled back the black robes. On the ground, bleeding and shaking, lay Remus Lupin.


	13. Chapter 13

_Lessons on Existing Without Your Soul, Chapter 13_

**DISCLAIMER: **No, I do not own any of the characters created by J. K. Rowling, and nor do I claim to. I am merely writing this for my enjoyment and yours, and not for any monetary value.

* * *

><p>Why did she always find Remus this way?<p>

Shakily, Leigh attempted to Hover Remus into her house, but she was not able to. Holding back massive sobs, she grabbed him by his wrists and dragged him over the threshold. Now she really wished Severus had stayed.

She pulled Remus into the house only far enough to close the door. Penelope nudged Remus with her nose, but he did not stir. She licked his face; he made no attempt to shoo her away.

Leigh did not want to leave Remus in the hallway, but she had to, if only long enough to contact Dumbledore. She couldn't produce a Patronus, so she had to use the Floo network. She practically skidded into the living room and knocked over the pot of Floo powder. She threw a handful into the fireplace while kneeling on the ground. Tears were freely flowing from her eyes.

"Dumbledore's office!" She shouted through tears. The world spun nauseatingly around her, giving her very small glimpses into other Wizarding homes. Eventually, everything stopped moving. Her head was in Dumbledore's office.

"Albus!" She shouted.

Dumbledore hurried to the fireplace, making sure his beard did not get caught in the flames. "Leighton, what is it? I was just about to go down for breakfast."

"Albus, it's Remus. He's back! I don't know what's wrong with him – Albus, I think he's seriously injured,"

Dumbledore looked very concerned. He shuffled around his office and quickly scrawled out a note. He passed the note to Fawkes, his magnificent Phoenix, and spoke so softly to the bird that Leigh could not hear it. He returned to the fireplace. "I will be at your home in five minute's time." Leigh nodded her head. "Keep him conscious, Leighton."

Dumbledore began to walk toward the door of his office, and Leigh pulled her head out of the fireplace. For a few moments, everything around her spun, and then suddenly, it stopped. She scrambled back to Remus' side.

He was still shaking, which Leigh took as a positive thing – at least he was still living.

She smoothed back his hair, which was matted with dirt and dripping with blood. His eyes had been blackened, he was missing a few teeth, and his nose had been badly broken. There was a nasty cut on his forehead. Another scar.

How long had he been at her doorstep?

She wanted to clean his face. He was so thickly covered in blood that she could not see the many years' worth of scars that marked him. With a damp cloth, she managed to wipe away most of the blood. She wished she could still perform adequate magic. She felt useless without her wand.

She continued to run her hands over his hair, nervously smoothing it down. With trembling lips, she kissed his forehead. "Shit, Remus."

His eyes fluttered, but did not open. Leigh wasn't sure that they could.

In the distance, Leigh heard a _pop_. She wrenched the door open with perhaps too much force. Dumbledore was striding across the street quickly, concern etched on his old face. He entered the home and calmly approached Remus. He kneeled down over him. Leigh could not see what he was doing, but she saw Dumbledore look under Remus' eyelids and jumper.

Leigh stood by the now closed door, her hand over her mouth. She was silently crying. She could not help herself.

Dumbledore waved his wand over Remus, muttering underneath his breath. Remus became animated, but certainly not awake. Sloppily, as if a marionette, he stood. His head was lolling to one side.

"Remus needs to go to St. Mungo's as soon as possible," Dumbledore said. "Are you able to apparate?"

Leigh shook her head, closing her eyes so she did not have to look at Remus.

Dumbledore nodded. "That is alright. We can do Side-Along Apparition. You will need to support Remus, however."

Leigh nodded, and approached Remus. She put an arm around his waist and allowed him to lean against her. With her free hand, she grasped Dumbledore's arm. He looked reassuringly at her, and with a turn, the three traveled through what felt like a vacuum.

Leigh was lucky enough to have never had to go to St. Mungo's and therefore was slightly confused when Dumbledore had taken them to Purge and Dowse, a run-down department store that looked like it had been abandoned many decades ago. Dumbledore, however, looked as if he knew exactly what he was doing.

He walked forward, and Leigh hastened to follow. "Is it safe to assume you think I have lost my mind?"

Leigh did not answer, but shifted Remus' weight on her shoulders. "Oh, my apologies," Dumbledore said, going to Remus' other side, taking some of the load from Leigh.

"I don't understand," Leigh said finally, staring at the dilapidated mannequins.

"I can explain inside, if you like. But I think it would be best to get poor Remus into the hospital first," Dumbledore said kindly. "Through the glass, if you don't mind."

They passed through the glass, which seemed to be just a sheet of air. Leigh was surprised to see a very clean and orderly waiting room on the other side of the old department store window.

Leigh chanced a look around. The room was empty, apart from a witch at a desk and a man who had a fish tail instead of legs. She cringed at the sight of him, though he did not seem to be in any form of discomfort.

"We will be going up to the first floor," Dumbledore said. The three struggled up a flight of stairs, and Leigh was silently thankful the ward for bites was on the first floor, and not the fifth.

Upon their arrival at the ward, they were met by the resident healer, who swiftly showed them to a bed where they could lie Remus down. The Healer stared down at Remus.

"What happened to him?" He asked, looking at Dumbledore. Dumbledore, in turn, turned to look at Leigh, who was looking at Remus.

She turned to face the Healer. "He came to me this way." She paused. "Werewolves, I think."

The Healer began to examine Remus, nodding gravely to no one in particular. "These wounds look fairly recent. The full moon was only a few nights ago. He was probably attacked then."

Considering Remus was already a werewolf, neither Leigh nor Dumbledore was concerned about when the bites occurred. They were more concerned with Remus' condition, and if he would survive the attack.

"Remus Lupin is already a werewolf," Dumbledore informed the Healer. "And he has been for most of his life."

The Healer nodded, and instinctively took a step back. Both Dumbledore and Leigh took notice of this. It took everything in Leigh to control her newfound anger with the Healer.

"Well, Mr. Lupin is going to be taking a Blood Replenishing potion and a potion for pain daily. I suppose he should take some Skele-Gro until those teeth grow back, too. We will attend to his wounds, which should heal nicely, and we shall fix his nose and any other broken bones," The Healer listed casually. He was less talking to Leigh and Dumbledore, but to a cabinet. Bottles began to fly about, arranging themselves nicely on a cart in front of Remus' hospital bed.

"Why should his wounds heal nicely? He was attacked by a werewolf!" Leigh asked rudely. She was infuriated. This Healer was acting like Remus merely had the flu. Didn't he see that Remus was dying?

"Mr. Lupin is already a werewolf, Miss," The Healer said, furrowing his brow, as if this was an adequate answer. When Leigh did not respond, he continued. "He already has werewolf blood, and therefore, will not be affected by the magical compound in another werewolf's saliva. He has already been afflicted."

Leigh stared blankly at the Healer, who seemed to not be able to further explain himself.

"Similar to when one gets the flu," Dumbledore interjected. "You cannot get the same strand of flu twice. Your body has built an immunity against it. Remus' body has a natural defense against werewolf saliva because he has already been bitten. He cannot be turned into a werewolf twice."

Dumbledore put a hand on Leigh's shoulder. "Remus is in good hands. Shall we get a pot of tea?"

Leigh allowed herself to be led out of the wing. "How do you know so much about Muggle diseases?" She asked Dumbledore. She was all sorts of baffled now.

He chuckled. "My dear, you forget that I am the biggest blood-traitor of them all."

* * *

><p>Thank you all so much for the reviews! Every time I see I've got a new one, I smile so hard, my jaw starts cramping. Your kind words give me the proper motivation to keep writing!<p> 


	14. Chapter 14

_Lessons on Existing Without Your Soul, Chapter 14_

**DISCLAIMER: **No, I do not own any of the characters created by J. K. Rowling, and nor do I claim to. I am merely writing this for my enjoyment and yours, and not for any monetary value.

* * *

><p>Leigh, who was still on temporary leave, spent most of her time at St. Mungo's. Remus was asleep most times she visited, but from what he told her the few times he was awake, he was doing much better. They had repaired his nose, regrown his missing teeth, and fixed his black eyes. His eyes were still puffy, however, and Remus often looked upon Leigh through slits. Most of his wounds had been mended as well, but some of the others proved tricky to heal.<p>

The Healer told Leigh on multiple occasions that Remus would not have to stay long in St. Mungo's, but could not be released until all of his wounds healed. He was still in agonizing pain, and therefore, needed to be monitored by a trained Healer.

This was after Leigh told the Healer, quite rudely, that she could take better care of Remus at home.

Leigh still did not like the Healer Remus had been assigned. He took no care to hide his discomfort around Remus. He did not check up on Remus nearly as much as he checked up on the other patient in the ward. Leigh did not think this was because the other patient was in a more critical condition, but because he was afraid Remus would get irritated and bite him.

However, on the few occasions Leigh saw him awake, Remus was as cordial and nice as ever. He never complained, never asked for special treatment, and never confronted the Healer about his obvious prejudice.

During Remus' week-long stay at St. Mungo's, Leigh's magic greatly improved. Now that Remus had been stabilized and was getting healthier every day, she had little to worry about. Every day she was at St. Mungo's, for example, she would Transfigure the uncomfortable folding chair into a plush arm chair.

Remus was set to be released on a Thursday morning. Leigh made no hesitation in telling Remus he would be returning to her home that very same day. "But don't think you're forgiven for running off like that," She said, with a wink, when he complied to apparate with her.

They walked through the window of Purge and Dowse, clutching hands very tightly. They turned on the spot, traveling through a vacuum. All Leigh could feel was Remus' hand in hers.

Leigh unlocked the door and opened it, ushering for Remus to go in ahead of her. He was no sooner attacked by a very pleased Penelope. She was barking happily and jumping up and down to receive affection from Remus.

"What a month can do," Remus mused at Penelope's size. "Last time I saw you, I could still pick you up."

"You would probably break your back if you attempted to," Leigh commented.

Remus looked around, much like when he did when he first arrived at Leigh's door. "Were you expecting change?" Leigh asked tentatively.

"No, I was not. Just merely soaking in old memories," Remus responded distantly.

Leigh was not sure how to respond, so she didn't. She merely stood in the mouth of the dining room and stared at him. He scaled the house, brushing the walls with his fingertips. Leigh was baffled, but did not interrupt Remus.

Suddenly, he whipped his head around and looked at Leigh as if she had just materialized from thin air. He quickly approached her and grabbed one of her hands. "Leighton, I am so incredibly sorry for putting you through all of this. I don't even know why you're taking me back after everything I've done to you."

She smiled at him. "Remus, you are wishy-washy, irrational, and moody. You make terrible decisions and sometimes, you are flat out stupid." She paused. "Someone has to keep you in check, don't they?"

Leigh's words could have been perceived as hurtful, callous, and uncalled for, but her tone remained jovial, and she spoke with a wide smile on her face. Remus, who grew up with the three biggest fools of his generation, knew very well how to distinguish blatant brutality from harmless insults, and smiled back at Leigh. He knew she wasn't trying to be mean, but merely scolding him for being such an idiot.

She embraced him, and for a very long time, they held each other in silence. After they broke apart, Leigh pointed a menacing finger in his face. She adopted a very serious tone. "Next time you run away like that, however, you better hope the wolves rip you apart before I get my hands on you."

She could not keep a straight face for long. She cracked, and began laughing so hard, tears leaked from her beautiful, brown eyes.

X

_Poverty may come to me, it's true. But what care I? Say, I'll get by, as long as I have you!_

Leigh awoke to singing. Loud, terrible singing. _It's far too early for this, _she thought while yawning and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Groggily, Leigh got out of bed, put her feet to the bare floor, and tread half-heartedly to the kitchen.

She was not at all surprised to find Remus in the kitchen, whistling a merry tune and wearing an apron around his waist. He was making pancakes.

The phonograph Leigh had recently purchased was playing the song Remus had been singing so horribly. Penelope was running circles around Remus' ankles as he swayed to the music.

Leigh could not help but smile widely at the sight.

Remus turned, feeling her presence, and hastily flicked his wand toward the phonograph. The music was muted instantly. "I'm sorry, did I wake you? I knew the music was too loud," Remus said apologetically.

Leigh shook her head. "No, I just conveniently woke up." She smiled sleepily.

"Here, coffee," Remus said, filling a mug with piping hot coffee. He promptly poured in milk and two spoonfuls of sugar. "Just the way you like it."

"Thank you, Remus," Leigh said, taking the mug from him. She took a long drink, and sighed happily. "Perfection."

"Nothing less for you," Remus added, smiling at her. "Pancakes?"

"I would love some," Leigh responded, smiling back.

Remus set the table, insisting Leigh should relax and read the newspaper. Plates, forks, knives, napkins, and cups flew from the kitchen to the dining room, placing themselves neatly on the dining table. Leigh stared out of the sliding glass door.

Remember when Leigh tried gardening? She does too, and she tries not to think of it often, considering her failure. But, to her amazement, her garden had since flourished. There was an abundance of daisies growing in her backyard.

She suspects magic.

Deciding there was only one thing missing from the table, Leigh went outside to pick some daisies. She arranged them in a vase and set them in the middle of the table. She smiled at her handiwork. If it were possible, it brightened up the already warm and happy home.

It had been a month since Remus had come back. And she couldn't be happier.


	15. Chapter 15

_Lessons on Existing Without Your Soul, Chapter 15_

**DISCLAIMER: **No, I do not own any of the characters created by J. K. Rowling, and nor do I claim to. I am merely writing this for my enjoyment and yours, and not for any monetary value.

* * *

><p>Leigh was working again, and she was glad of it. She had something to do during the day, and had the abundance of money to buy all of the potion ingredients she again had a need for. In addition to the phonograph she had bought for Remus and herself, she bought Remus replacements for all of the records he lost when he went underground, and two bicycles.<p>

In the evenings, Remus and Leigh would go on bike rides, Penelope jogging happily ahead of them. The weather was nice again, and they spent as much time as possible outdoors. They often had dinner outside, watching the sunset and the shadows grow.

They were happy, happier than they had ever been.

Regardless of the fact, Remus occasionally became frantic. He would begin pacing and ranting, talking about how he felt something was going to happen because of his living there. Whenever he did this, Leigh rolled her eyes and allowed him to blow off some steam, but never really listened. She had heard it all before.

She also knew that he would not run out on her again. Some invisible force kept him there (no, Leigh did not have the Imperius curse upon Remus), and at the end of every speech, he would add, "But of course, I'm just being paranoid," and he would return to the couch or the bed or the table – wherever he was previously.

It was the middle of May now, and although Remus and Leigh had only been living together for four months (technically three, considering Remus was gone for the whole of April), neither could deny the feelings they had for the other, though, neither would admit to them either.

Leigh, somewhat foolishly, she thought, could imagine Remus and herself growing old together. Watching their sandy haired children ride around on broomsticks…taking them to Kings Cross on the first of September…spending every Christmas with the children, complete with a huge pine tree and live fairies…

She never voiced these thoughts, but nevertheless, wished they could come true, though, she knew in her heart of hearts that they never could. Not with his problem, and definitely not with hers.

The guest room had practically gone to waste now – ever since Remus had come back, the two shared a bed (though, this made Penelope quite upset – she was used to sleeping in Remus' place when he wasn't around). And, yes, the two generally _slept _in the bed, unless there was reason to do other things: _Oh, more Death Eaters were sent to Azkaban? _And, _You got a promotion? Congratulations! _Or, _The potion was brewed successfully? _– These were all good reasons for _not _sleeping.

After every one of their sleepless nights, Leigh could be found tracing circle eights on Remus' bare and scarred chest, watching him sleep peacefully next to her. She could do this for the rest of her life.

One evening, Remus and Leigh were lounging on the couch, staring mindlessly in the television. Leigh was waving her wand, a bluish mist trailing from its tip. It reminded her faintly of sparklers on the fourth of July in America. She began to make shapes in the air – first circles, then triangles, then figure eights and hearts and flowers.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked, watching the blue stream of light dance before him.

"Nothing, I suppose," Leigh answered. She spelled out her name in the air – her full name: Leighton Necie Hamilton – in big, loopy letters. She wrinkled her nose and wiped the name away with a wave of her wand. She replaced it with _Leigh, _in all capitals and no trace of a cursive letter.

Slowly, the words faded. Remus pulled out his wand, and mimicked her. _Remus John Lupin _appeared in the air, but his name was in bright green letters.

It was mindless things like this that made Leigh very happy she could perform magic again.

For a few more minutes, the two entertained themselves by writing with their wands, but soon, the fun of it ran dry. There were only so many things you could write and draw before you began repeating yourself.

Leigh conjured a Patronus, and a massive German shepherd gamboled around the house. Penelope rather liked this silvery dog, and attempted to play with it, but simply fell through the dog when she tried to pounce playfully on the Patronus' back. She barked happily at the Patronus, and the Patronus wagged its huge, silver tail in response.

"Has your Patronus always been a German shepherd?" Remus asked, watching the Patronus run around the living room.

Leigh shook her head. "For the longest time, I could only produce an incorporeal Patronus. It was rather disappointing, to be honest. After I got little Penelope here-" Remus snorted. Penelope was far from little. "-my Patronus took the form of a German shepherd."

"Fairly recent, then," Remus prompted.

"Yeah, it is. I like this one much better. You just can't interact with a shield form, you know?"

Remus did know. He, too, was used to only being able to produce an incorporeal Patronus. His friends thought it was odd – he was the first to grasp the concept when they learned it in school, but yet, his never took any form other than a blob of light.

While James had the huge stag, and Sirius a large, hairy dog, and Peter, a small, but surprisingly effective rat, Remus had a blob. And yes, he was teased about this.

Remus told her this, but added that his Patronus has since taken a new form.

"What is it?" Leigh asked, excitedly. "Is it a wolf?"

Remus smiled, and produced a shining, huge Patronus. At first, Leigh did think it was a wolf, but as she looked harder, she saw that it was –

"A German shepherd?"

Remus nodded, and sent the Patronus to play with Leigh's. "Are you serious?"

Remus nodded again. His cheeks flushed a deep pink. In his head, this all seemed like a very cool way to express his feelings, but he suddenly felt this was stupid and cliché.

Without any warning at all, Leigh pounced on Remus, kissing every inch of his face. Before disappearing, both Patronuses shone their brightest, and filled the room with one last burst of warmth.

"I love you," Leigh said breathlessly, between kisses. "I mean," Kiss, "I really," Kiss, "Love you." Kiss.

Remus was smiling hard against Leigh's lips, and was almost unable to return her kisses properly. He broke the kiss only long enough to say the four words he had been dying to say since the day Leigh allowed him houseroom –

"I love you, Leighton."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Forgive me for my use of clichés, and for borrowing the idea of Snape's Patronus taking the form of Lily's Patronus. It will all make sense one of these days…


	16. Chapter 16

_Lessons on Existing Without Your Soul, Chapter 16_

**DISCLAIMER: **No, I do not own any of the characters created by J. K. Rowling, and nor do I claim to. I am merely writing this for my enjoyment and yours, and not for any monetary value.

* * *

><p>Fenrir Greyback was a vengeful man (maybe man isn't the word). More importantly, however, Fenrir Greyback was a sadistic man, a sadistic man whose leader had fallen. His Master had promised him blood and flesh as payment for a lifetime of servitude. And now that his Master had been vanquished, his thirst for blood and his hunger for young and beautiful flesh could not be satisfied.<p>

Lord Voldemort had unleashed a monster onto the Wizarding community, and in his death, assured Fenrir Greyback would never be tame again.

Most werewolves only have a hunger for blood one night of the month. Greyback, however, was a much more vicious creature, and preferred to eat gourmet every night of the week. Since Voldemort's downfall, he was forced underground, to live with the other pathetic, weak, and hungry werewolves. He lived on an unsatisfactory diet of rats, and if he was lucky, a stray dog or two.

One desperate night, Greyback attacked a fellow werewolf. Greyback ate his heart, and saved the brain for dessert.

Every werewolf lived in fear of Greyback, and did not dare cross his path if they could avoid it. He was, in a way, King of the werewolves. He ruled over them, demanding nothing less than ten pounds of meat a day. Any less, and the offending monster could offer himself up as dinner.

The other werewolves starved and died off, one by one, unnoticed by the rest of society. Like the rest of society would care. They were werewolves, as lowly as cockroaches to the eyes of wizards and witches.

For days, Remus Lupin went unnoticed in the werewolf hovel. Many wolves came and went, and Greyback did not recognize Remus at first. Remus remembers the confrontation like he had just come from it.

"Ah, Remus Lupin," Growled Greyback, baring his human teeth, though, as Remus noticed, a few of them retained wolfish characteristics, "I see you've decided to return to where you belong."

Remus did not respond, learning full well in his youth to not encourage bullies or carnivorous murderers.

"You disgrace us," Greyback continued, smiling viciously at Remus. "Couldn't admit you're a werewolf, could you? So you decided to try to live like a wizard. I see they've chucked you to the streets where you belong, then."

Remus still did not respond.

"Did you honestly think you could live amongst wizards? Did you think they would see you as an _equal_? You are a werewolf. A flea-ridden, blood-thirsty, dirty, stinkin' werewolf. You belong in the mud, in the dirt, with us, the only place you'll ever be fit for."

Remus was truly used to this sort of intimidation, and it took all of his might to not sarcastically yawn at Greyback's speech.

"But, of course, I forgot. Dumbledore, the bloody fool. He'll take in anyone who is willing to support him," Greyback said, laughing sardonically. "My fellow werewolves," His voiced carried amongst the dirt tunnels, and all werewolves turned to listen, "This is Remus Lupin – Remus Lupin of the Order of the Phoenix. Dumbledore's right hand man, aye?"

Greyback sneered at the idea of Remus being anyone's right hand man as the werewolves laughed. Whether this was out of pure humor or fear, Remus was not sure.

"Clearly not," Greyback went on, "If you were Dumbledore's right hand man, you'd be amongst the wizards right now. Not here in this disgusting hovel. Such quarters are beneath a man of your status, I'm sure."

Remus looked Fenrir Greyback directly in the eyes, the yellow, bloodshot eyes.

"We shall see if Dumbledore will come for his right hand man when he needs him most, shall we not?" Greyback mused, gesturing to the others, as if he was asking them for their opinions. "Tonight's the full moon, Remus Lupin, and we'll see if the Order's power is anything in comparison to ours."

This was far from an initiation. When the moon was at its fullest, the wolves attacked Remus, twenty-four to one. He was quickly overpowered, and greatly weakened by the deep and nasty bites he was receiving from the fully grown werewolves. They threw him around as if he was a ragdoll, and howled at his limp and dying form. When they were finally done, they left him for dead.

Remus proved to be a resilient werewolf. He plainly would not die, even though any other man would have been dead long before the moon waned. Battered and bleeding, he crawled back to the hovel to transform. The others, too weakened by their own transformations, did not register that he was still alive, and slowly, but surely, collecting his possessions.

He forced himself to apparate to the only place he knew he would be safe.

X

Remus was telling the story of his time with the werewolves to Leigh and Dumbledore over a dinner of steak and kidney pie. He was tired and irritable (he always was the night before the full moon), but obliged to play storyteller for the evening.

The story was absolutely fascinating to both Leigh and Dumbledore, who applauded him not only on his bravery, but his sheer will to survive. "A true Gryffindor, if I've ever seen one," Dumbledore said with twinkling eyes, "And excellent steak and kidney pie, might I add?"

Remus bowed his head in thanks. "I tried to tell him to leave dinner to me," Leigh started, "But he insisted."

The evening was pleasant. Dumbledore, unbeknownst to Remus and Leigh, knew a varied amount of lurid jokes, and was kind enough to tell quite a few before leaving.

"Thank you for the splendid evening, but I really must be going. I must place an advertisement for a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher in the Daily Prophet. One day he was teaching, and the next – gone! Vanished! Very odd. Good evening!"

Dumbledore stooped in the fireplace, and with a flash of green and the shout of "my office, if you will!", he was gone.

"What a delightful man," Leigh commented, while sending the dishes away to scrub themselves.

"How many Defense professors has he gone through? Forty-eight?" Remus joked, extinguishing the candles and turning off the phonograph.

"Something like that, yeah," Leigh answered. "How about a nightcap, dear?"

"By nightcap, do you mean a large glass of brandy or a Sleeping Draught?" Remus asked, smiling tiredly at her.

"Whichever you prefer. We have both,"

"I'd much rather prefer a glass of brandy, if you don't mind," Remus said, before kissing her on the cheek.

Leigh summoned two glasses and a large bottle of brandy. She poured the amber alcohol into the glasses as seductively as she could, considering how exhausted she was from hours of entertaining. The effect was quite amusing, actually. "Bottoms up!" She said, before downing the drink in one swallow.

Remus smiled and threw back the brandy. He smacked his lips. "1592. Good year."


	17. Chapter 17

_Lessons on Existing Without Your Soul, Chapter 17_

**DISCLAIMER: **No, I do not own any of the characters created by J. K. Rowling, and nor do I claim to. I am merely writing this for my enjoyment and yours, and not for any monetary value.

Hey, just a heads up – the following chapter is fairly graphic. I really should change the rating, but it's only this once. Just a warning, eh?

* * *

><p>It was the afternoon, and, as usual, Remus and Leigh were prepping the house for Remus' upcoming transformation. They were moving furniture out of the guest room and filling it with pillows and blankets instead. In the kitchen, the usual potions were brewing – one for pain, and one for sleep. Leigh was placing enchantments around the house, though, not as many as she had placed previously.<p>

From what they learned last time, it was only necessary to put the enchantments on the room itself, rather than the entire house. The Wolfsbane Potion kept him fairly under control, and with the enchantments on the door, there wasn't any chance of him getting out of the house anyway.

Leigh still placed Silencing Charms all over, and heavily barricaded the door once Remus was inside. Penelope took her usual place at the foot of Remus' door. Leigh was not nearly as worried this time as she was last, so she made some popcorn and put in a movie.

The movie was nearly finished when both Penelope and Leigh heard growling coming from somewhere other than the guest room. Leigh didn't think much of it – she assumed it was a stray stalking a cat or a mouse. However, she reestablished the Silencing Charm, just to be safe.

Penelope, on the other hand (paw?), did not take so lightly to the growling, and seemed to interpret it as more menacing. She began barking viciously at the side of the house, her teeth bared and her fur standing up along the ridge of her back. "Penelope, I'm sure it's just a stray," Leigh said as she rewound the tape. "Here, come watch a movie,"

Penelope did not respond to Leigh's beckoning, but continued to gnash her teeth at the wall. Leigh rolled her eyes, and settled down by the movie shelf, deciding on what to watch next.

The growling got louder – both inside of the house and out. Penelope launched herself at the sliding glass door and began barking louder than Leigh had ever heard her bark before. Leigh, now frightened, moved slowly away from the slider. Her wand was on the coffee table…if she could just get there without being heard or seen…

There was a pound against the sliding glass door. Leigh jumped out of her skin, and hastened to grab her wand. Another pound. And another. And then – the sliding glass door broke into a million shards of glass. Penelope jumped at the hulking figure in the doorway, but was swiftly tossed aside like a piece of trash. She hit the wall with a _thud_ and whimpered.

Leigh, shaking, pointed her wand at the intruder. "_Stupefy!_" she shouted. A beam of red shot from her wand and deflected off the massive intruder. Whatever it was, it growled, irritated at her attempt to Stun it. She tried again and again and again. Each spell bounced off the thing like they were hitting a mirror. Leigh gulped. She had aimed directly for the heart every time…what kind of creature was this…?

Leigh stepped backward as the monster approached. She saw that it was walking on its hind legs – yes, hind legs. There was a tail…two ears jutting out of the top of its elongated head…fur…

Light hit the face of the werewolf, and she recognized who she was faced with.

Fenrir Greyback.

He had become so wolfish as a man, that he was quite man-like as a wolf. He seemed to be _sneering _at Leigh. Wolves can't sneer. What was she thinking? No, he was definitely sneering at her.

Leigh continued to back up, until she ran into a wall. Greyback advanced. Her wand seemed almost useless now – it was a stick of wood in her hand. In a moment of hesitation (Mad-Eye would have been upset), Greyback grabbed her by the throat and threw her across the room. Her wand flew from her hand as she hit the fireplace. She _heard _her skull crack.

Penelope was back on her feet once more and flung herself between Leigh and Greyback. She growled fiercely at him. Greyback grabbed Penelope around the neck with his massive jaws and clamped down. The dog went limp, and moved no more.

Greyback turned back to Leigh, grabbed her by the ankle with his teeth, and dragged her across the living room floor, careful to make sure she hit every piece of furniture as they went. Leigh was woozy and her vision was failing her. He threw her against the television, which wobbled dangerously on the dinky table it was on, and fell to the floor with a loud crash. Bits of the television hit Leigh in the face. She cried out in pain.

Greyback threw her once more and she shattered her jaw against the oak coffee table. She was utterly defenseless.

"Remus!" She cried out, but her voice was muffled by the amount of blood filling her throat and nose. "Remus!"

Leigh did not know how, but she was bent over the couch, half conscious. She felt cold, but she was not sure if it was because she was losing so much blood or because the sliding glass door was broken or because Greyback was viciously tearing her clothes off of her body.

She was crying now, crying loudly and openly, blood spurting from her mouth as she did. It did not matter how loudly she cried though – the Silencing Charm she had placed on the house was too strong to break without use of magic. Why was her wand so far away, when she needed it most?

Greyback had violated her, and was panting and howling with every thrust. She had never been in more pain in her entire life. Her hips kept knocking against the couch, and between the wood paneling of the couch and the pure power of his thrusts, she was sure her pelvis would shatter.

"Mum!" She cried. "Mum! Help! Help me!"

Her back was bleeding from the long, deep gashes Greyback had inflicted when he ripped her shirt off. He was howling so loudly, Leigh felt her eardrums vibrating.

She sobbed even harder, each breath becoming harder and harder to take. "Dad! Dad, please!"

With a shudder and a grunt, Greyback finished inside Leigh. He pulled out, his massive erection dripping with blood and semen, and grabbed her by the back of her neck and tossed her into the fireplace once more. Her head rebounded off of the wall.

Greyback approached her, and with his long, dog-tongue, licked the blood from her breasts. With a last growl in her ear, he left, his business done.

"Remus," She called, but the only discernable sound was a deep gurgling from her throat, "Remus, help, please. Remus."

Slumped against the fireplace, Leigh took one last staggering breath, and passed from this place.

* * *

><p>*prepares for flying bottles and rotten tomatoes*<p> 


	18. Chapter 18

_Lessons on Existing Without Your Soul, Chapter 18_

**DISCLAIMER: **No, I do not own any of the characters created by J. K. Rowling, and nor do I claim to. I am merely writing this for my enjoyment and yours, and not for any monetary value.

* * *

><p>Remus was weak – so, so, so incredibly weak. It took every ounce of strength he had left in his body to drag himself helplessly to the door and to reach up and twist the golden doorknob.<p>

Even if Remus had not seen the massacre, he would have known something was terribly wrong.

The house was dead silent, with the exception of the rumbling of the passing cars outside – which he found curious, because he had never once heard traffic from inside the house.

Furthermore, and Remus almost hated himself for even thinking it, Leigh wasn't waiting on him hand and foot. By now, she would usually be rushing in with a few potions and a wet washcloth and soothing, kind words. He now saw why she wasn't – Leigh, in what Remus assumed to be a pool of her own blood, was slumped against the fireplace, stark naked and broken.

Her arms and legs jutted out at weird angles, and he could see, even from a distance, that all of her appendages were broken. Her face was a disgusting shade of purple, and greatly swollen around her jaw.

"Leighton?" He asked. Could he see her chest heaving? Impossible. But – "Leighton? Please, please, please say something."

He approached very slowly, partially because his bones were so sore from the previous night's transformation, but also because he did want to see her up close. No, it wasn't because of the gross disfigurements and her gory visage – Remus did not want to see her – he gulped – dead.

His hand was covering the majority of his face, half trying to avoid the smell and half trying to compose himself. The closer he got, the worse it seemed. Her wand was poking out from underneath the couch. _She didn't even have her wand,_ Remus thought. _Just like…_

Remus could not bear to think it.

Slowly, he made his way around the couch, and saw the broken form of Penelope by what used to be the sliding glass door. He gasped loudly at the sight, tears burning his eyes. He treaded carefully over the dog, for there were pieces of glass and television screen littering the floor. With every step, pieces of glass lodged themselves into his feet. He barely felt it.

Everything was surreal. He wasn't even sure if he was awake or not.

He was feet away from her now.

"No, no, no, no, no," Remus repeatedly frantically. "No, please, no, Leighton, no."

Her chest was not moving. He shook his head, tears forming in his eyes. "Leighton, please,"

He reached down and grasped her hand in his. She was cold, so very cold. A sob was strangled in his throat. Tears were streaming down his face, splashing onto her freezing skin. He collapsed next to her, and took her in his arms.

Huddled in the bloody mess, Remus cried for the love of his life.

If only it hadn't been a full moon last night…

X

Two weeks passed by excruciatingly slow.

Remus had alerted the Ministry, who had come by to investigate the house and the body. It was apparent to even the least trained Ministry worker that the wounds could have only been inflicted by a werewolf. And even though Remus was the very first suspected of the murder of Leighton Hamilton, he was soon cleared due to a spell reversal charm on Leigh's wand, who had cast the spells to keep Remus locked in a room. He was also quick to point out that his fur is light brown, whereas the fur found at the scene was black.

Remus told the Ministry in full confidence that Fenrir Greyback had been the attacker. When asked how he knew, he told them the same story he had told Dumbledore and Leigh so many weeks ago.

Remus told the Ministry exactly where Greyback was hiding out – and within three days, Greyback was found, tried, and sentenced to life in Azkaban. He didn't think this was a great enough punishment, but was at least content knowing he could not harm anyone else.

In the mean time, Remus had buried Penelope in the backyard. It pained him to do so, but he did not have much of a choice. He couldn't just leave her there.

There were roses growing out of Penelope's grave now – Remus had helped them along with magic, not unlike how he helped the daisies planted by Leigh grow to their fullest potential. Remus, who could not bear to be in the house any longer than he needed to be, often sat outside and stared at the unsettled earth, contemplating life and, more appropriately, death.

A team of Preparers had called at the house. They took Leigh's body to prepare it for burial. They were going to posthumously heal the wounds and magically protect the body from devastation and decay.

The funeral was in a week. _A week._

What was he going to do for a week? Merlin, that's a long time to sit around and wait.

Remus was outside, staring intently at Penelope's grave when there was a knock at the front door.

It was the Head of the Office for Magical Wills, Heirlooms, and Inheritances. Oh. Leigh's will. Remus had forgotten about that.

He offered the man a seat on the couch and a cup of tea, of which the latter was turned down. Remus sat across from him, at a loss for words.

"As you can imagine, we have reviewed the will of Leighton Necie Hamilton, and are now able to reveal and distribute the contents accordingly," Remus nodded. "Miss Hamilton had recently revised her will to include you. It is our understanding the two of you were not married?"

"No, we weren't," Remus said.

"Regardless, Miss Hamilton left the house, her possessions, Penelope the German Shepherd, and all of the gold in her vault at Gringotts Wizarding Bank to you," The man paused, perhaps to allow Remus to respond. Remus did not, however, and the wizard continued. "Furthermore, Miss Hamilton requests you contact her parents and inform them of her death via Muggle post, the information for which can be found in this envelope,"

The wizard conjured an envelope that Remus assumed was magically sealed. He slid it across the now repaired coffee table toward Remus.

"She wishes you to also tell her parents that the money in her Muggle bank account is to go to them,"

There was an awkward silence. Remus had nothing to say to the man, and the man, presumably, was done listing off the items in the will.

"Is that it, then?" Remus asked gruffly.

"Yes, sir, it is. I shall be going then, yes?"

Remus nodded. The man stood, collected his things and headed for the front door. With his hand on the doorknob, he turned to look at Remus once more. "I am very sorry for your loss," He said sincerely.

"Thanks," Remus muttered, and showed the man out of the door.

He returned to his solitude.

_This must be what it is like to receive a kiss from a Dementor, _Remus thought to himself.

He threw himself upon the guest room bed (he couldn't even go into Leigh's old bedroom without crying). He closed his eyes and tried to fall asleep, but after many failed attempts to get comfortable, or even remotely sleepy, he gave up.

With his mouth and nose pressed against a pillow, he sighed as loudly as he could. "I need a nap," He said, but it came out as "Mh hmhm hmmm".

_No, what you really need are lessons on existing without your soul, _He thought, before trudging to the kitchen to make a pot of tea.


	19. Chapter 19

_Lessons on Existing Without Your Soul, Chapter 19_

**DISCLAIMER: **No, I do not own any of the characters created by J. K. Rowling, and nor do I claim to. I am merely writing this for my enjoyment and yours, and not for any monetary value.

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><p>He would have done anything in the world to be doing <em>this <em>with James or Peter or even Sirius by his side rather than going by himself.

Remus adjusted his tie in the mirror and frowned at his reflection. He was ugly and scarred and tired, and would have much rather preferred to stay home today.

He ran his hand through his thinning hair. He sighed, flattened his hair once more, and left the bathroom. He checked his watch.

Thirty minutes. The funeral starts in thirty minutes.

_I could go now, _Remus thought. _But that would mean having to talk to other people..._

Leigh's parents asked Remus if he would like to speak at their daughter's funeral, but he politely declined. He didn't know what he could say about Leigh – nothing he thought of seemed to do her any justice. He hadn't been talking much recently, anyway. He had become quiet again. The way he used to be.

Remus began to pace around the kitchen, just to have something to do. He checked his watch every so often, only to find forty seconds had gone by. He sighed, grabbed the bouquet of daisies from the backyard he had picked for Leigh, and turned on the spot. At least being at the cemetery would give him something to occupy his mind.

Anything was better than staying in her old house.

The cemetery grass was green, greener than anything Remus had seen in his entire life (he suspected magic). He saw a multitude of people mingling about the perfectly lined up seats, each talking in quiet voices; the kind of voices you would expect to hear at a funeral.

He recognized a few people, mainly ex-Order members and Hogwarts staff. As he got closer, he saw a few Ministry workers, some people he might have seen once or twice in the Gryffindor common room, and Leigh's parents. He felt out of place amongst all groups, so he sat alone in one of the chairs, clutching the daisies too firmly in his sweaty hands.

He had never been to a funeral before. He refused to attend the Potters' funerals, and besides, he was living underground anyway. There wasn't enough of Peter to bury, so there wasn't a funeral. And he didn't really know anyone else who had died, so...

He wasn't quite sure what to expect.

In fact, he wasn't even sure if this was going to be a Wizard funeral or a Muggle funeral, though he had a suspicion it would be the former, considering Leigh's body was prepped by Preparers and not a coroner.

He twisted the stems of the daisies out of sheer anxiety. He wasn't sure why he was so anxious, but he assumed that it had something to do with the fact that he hadn't quite admitted to himself that Leigh was actually...dead.

He recognized that she was gone, but he always expected her to burst through the front door and jump in his arms. In fact, he was subconsciously saving a seat for her on his left side.

It was the finality he was scared of.

He was unaware that the funeral had started. He was unaware of who was speaking, what they were saying, and what it truly meant. He had eyes only for the granite slab on which Leigh lay upon.

The speaker left the podium after a few minutes (or it could have been a lifetime, Remus did not know), and all around him, people began to rise. He heard music – soft, angelic music. Remus had never heard anything more beautiful, and the voices themselves brought tears to his eyes.

Suddenly, with a flash of white, the granite slab began to transform into a granite coffin. Leigh's body was slowly swallowed by the dark green rock. It started toward the middle – the last things he saw of Leigh were her feet and perfect, beautiful face.

Once the coffin had consumed her, it was magically lowered into a large hole in the ground. Remus stood, as he hadn't previously, and slowly approached the hole. Tears filling the brims of his eyes, he knelt down and dropped the now mangled daisies into the grave.

For minutes, he did not move. He stared into the hole, half wishing that Leigh would come to his side and console him in his time of despair. Her warm hand did not squeeze his shoulder, her hair did not brush his cheek, her voice did not whisper softly in his ear.

Remus stood once more, and made his way back to his seat. Whereas everyone else was mingling once more, Remus was content to sit silently by himself.

X

His bags were packed. His books, his records, his phonograph, his clothing, his battered shoes – everything – was crammed into a magically enlarged suitcase. Bread had been put out for the birds. Cans of soup have been donated. Wine had been drunk. The cabinets were bare, the bookshelves cleared out, the guest bedroom devoid of all life.

Remus stood in the doorway of Leigh's old house, and took one last look back.

He had spent the best days of his life in this house, and yet, some of the worst.

Remus would never forget this house, or the lovely beings that called it home. He closed the door behind him, not bothering to lock it, and turned on the spot.

He landed unceremoniously in the Leaky Cauldron, and booked a room. Where he would be going after that, he did not know.


	20. Chapter 20  LAST CHAPTER

_Lessons on Existing Without Your Soul, Chapter 20_

**DISCLAIMER: **No, I do not own any of the characters created by J. K. Rowling, and nor do I claim to. I am merely writing this for my enjoyment and yours, and not for any monetary value.

* * *

><p>This chapter contains direct excerpts from <em>Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows<em>, which are from the brilliant mind of J. K. Rowling and not my own.

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><p>Hi. Thanks for sticking around for almost 2 months! I really appreciate every single review I've received, and I feel honored to be on your Favorites and Story Alert lists. You guys have made this the best!<p>

Enjoy this last chapter!

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><p><strong>1998<strong>

"Harry, what's happening?"

Remus had not been this worried in a very long time.

"Voldemort's on his way, they're barricading the school – Snape's run for it – What are you doing here? How did you know?"

This is real. This is happening. They were fighting.

The Room of Requirement, which Remus had never been in before this moment, was jam packed with students, both current and alumni, and Order of the Phoenix members.

Remus' head was spinning. Molly and Ginny were arguing about something; half of the room had cleared; underage wizards and witches were being evacuated; Percy had just stumbled through the portrait hole…

Silence. Awkward silence.

"So – 'ow eez leetle Teddy?"

Remus was taken aback by Fleur's question, and stammered on the spot. "I – oh yes – he's fine! Yes, Tonks is with him – at her mother's-"

He was talking too loudly. He nervously fumbled in his cloak pockets. "Here, I've got a picture!"

_Merlin, I'm shouting. _The picture passed between Fleur and Harry, who were trying their absolute hardest to let the Weasleys reunite with their estranged kin without interruption.

"I was a fool!" Percy shouted loudly, and Remus almost dropped the picture of his turquoise headed son.

He wished James and Sirius were here. Hell, maybe even Peter, that treacherous rat. He wouldn't mind fighting next to Leigh once more. Or, now that he thought of it, Tonks, seeing as this was most plausible. Remus tapped his wand impatiently against his thigh, green sparks emitting from the tip.

He needed to be doing something. Why were they just waiting around? Shouldn't they be going to the Great Hall? Why were they in the Room of Requirement, discussing Percy's change of heart?

"Ginny!" Molly shouted, as her only daughter and youngest child was trying to sneak away to join the fight while the others were distracted by Percy's reappearance.

Lupin threw out a suggestion, in hopes that it would be sufficient enough for both Ginny and her parents. It was decided – Ginny was going to stay in the Room of Requirement, per Remus' suggestion.

But before Remus could dwell on this fact much longer, he was climbing out of the Room of Requirement, preparing with the others for battle.

Merlin, he was so nervous. He had quite the bad feeling about this.

He was shouting orders – Merlin's beard, why was he in a position of leadership? Hadn't he proved many years ago that he made a lousy leader? He was gathering people to fight on the grounds, in an attempt to stop Death Eaters from entering the castle at all.

And then – before anyone knew it – the battle began. Remus was casting every jinx he could think of in the general direction of the Death Eaters. He could only hope that some of them made contact. A rather large one took an interest in Remus. Remus recognized him to be Dolohov – someone Dolohov.

Dolohov was relentless, throwing Killing Curse after Killing Curse at Remus. His aim was terrible, however, and Remus managed to avoid all of them. Before he knew it, Tonks was by his side, assisting him duel the massive Death Eater.

"What are you doing here?" Remus shouted over the chaos. "I thought you were with your mum and Teddy!"

"I couldn't stand not knowing what was happening!" Tonks yelled back, aiming a Stunning Spell directly between the Death Eater's eyes. He crumpled to the ground.

Panting, the two embraced. "I left him with mum – he's safe there."

"Thank Merlin you're alright," Remus said, cupping Tonks' face in his hands. He kissed her – and for a fleeting moment, it wasn't Tonks he was kissing. He was holding Leigh's face in his scarred hands. "I love you."

"I love you too, Remus. Now let's go kick some Death Eater ass!"

Remus and Tonks ran toward the castle, but Remus did not see Tonks running next to him. She saw him, but he saw Leigh in her place. Beautiful, lovely Leigh, with her blue hair and brown eyes.

They skidded to a halt in the Great Hall, each instantly picking a Death Eater to duel with.

Merlin, he hated these fucking Death Eaters.

Keeping one eye on the Death Eater he was dueling and one eye on everything else, he saw Fenrir Greyback lurking about, perhaps looking for a young girl to ravish.

There was blood around his stupid mouth. _And apparently he has already found said girl, _Remus though, before shooting one last Stunning Spell at the Death Eater, and tearing off after stumbling, staggering Greyback.

"Remus! Where are you going?" Tonks shouted after him.

_Going to avenge Leigh._

Remus ran after Greyback, who was dueling with a young girl Remus did not recognize. Rudely, but only to protect her, he pushed the girl out of the way and took her place in the battle.

"Greyback," He said, blocking a curse from the werewolf. "We meet again."

"You know, Lupin, your little girlfriend was the best lay I ever had," Greyback leered, lazily casting curses at Remus.

_That was sixteen years ago. You sick, twisted fuck. You still think about that? _In his anger, Remus began spouting out a multitude of spells, not caring if they were Unforgivable or not. Greyback was going to regret ever laying his filthy paws on Leigh.

Greyback had better dueling skills than Remus expected, and out of sheer frustration, Remus shouted, "Expelliarmus!"

Greyback's stubby wand flew out of his hand. _I've got you now, _Remus thought.

He advanced on Greyback, smirking at him. "Perhaps I should do to you what you did to Leighton." Remus paused, and pointed his wand threateningly in Greyback's face. "But I'm not a fucking monster."

Remus transfigured Greyback in a pile of rocks, and shouted "_Confringo!_" The pile of rocks, formerly known as Fenrir Greyback, exploded into indistinguishable rubble.

_That felt bloody amazing._

Remus ran to rejoin Tonks, who was dueling with two Death Eaters, one of which was Bellatrix LeStrange. Remus and Tonks stood next to each other, casting and dodging offensive spells. Every free moment he got, he chanced a look at Tonks. But it wasn't Tonks. It was Leigh. Her hair was a flaming red now, her eyes full of passion and pure adrenaline.

She looked back at him, and winked playfully. In this brief second, a flash of green from Bellatrix LeStrange's wand whizzed right past Leigh's – Tonks' – ear.

"Leighton! Watch o-"

Remus' warning was cut short. Tonks, with a pained expression on her face, watched as Remus fell to the floor, the life gone from his eyes.


End file.
